Friday, July 07, 2006

Rockstar... the next generation


Okay it's a pretty lame name for a band, but hey, you've got Tommy Lee, Gilby Clark, and Jason Newsted; you've gotta think they are gonna kick some ass.

So for those of you not with us last year, I REALLLLLLLY hate reality TV, BUT I really LOVE hard rock and heavy metal. Rockstar is the only reality game showthat has actual stuff I dig. The music is cool, the people are sometimes cool, and Brooke Burke used to be hot (now she's all scary looking with a bad set of cheek implants, and chin and nose jobs. Ugh).

Plus, it's kind cool watching Dave Navarro turn into an even pussierass (I'm trademarking that word) version of Paula Frikken Abdul.

First, the recap of last years shows:

Alright now, I hate reality TV...
LiveBloggin - Rockstar
Rockstar Update
Rockstar INXS - J.D. Doesnt Suck
Popstar INXS
Rockstar INXS - Surprising Me
Holy CRAP!!! Mig is STRAIGHT???
Late to the party
Rockstar WTF?
Rockstar - Why do I bother watching sundays?
Rockstar INXS -Not what I was expecting
Rockstar - HOLY SHIT!
Rockstar INXS - Reprise and the originals
Rockstar INXS - The Plot Thickens
Rockstar INXS - Doubleshot
Rockstar INXS - Suzy Says So Long
Rockstar INXS - It's Finally Happened

Ok so now, let us begin our season with a listing, my first impressions, and my reviews of their performances:

Chris Pierson - The Police, "Roxanne": Well, he's got the looks for the job. I hated his song choice; or rather I like the song, but his arrangement was crap. He has no range or vocal quality, at least as demonstrated by the song. His performance wasn't bad, but I just didn't dig him. Bottom 3 definitely.

Dana Andrews - Melissa Ethridge, "The Only One": Good looking girl, decent sogn choice for her. Kind of an over the top performance. I'll have to see more, but I get the feeling that this girl grew up singing country, and should still be doing so (as was the case with many fo the famels last season as well). SHe DID look like she was havig a great time which is a plus. She's safe this week, but I don't see a winner there.

Dilana - Nirvana, "Lithium": Ugly, nasty, horrible voice, horrible tats, wooden rigid pseudohardass performance. Is that really a woman? Theres some adams apple there I tell you. Spastic breakouts... this one should at least be interesting in the house

Jenny Galt - Nickleback, "How you remind me": Good last name, kinda cute, too skinny. She sounds like a folk singer, which is apprently what she was back in canada. HORRIBLE song choice for her, flat, wooden performance. No energy, no passion. She finally loosens up and relaxes in the last minute or so, but she can't pull this song off. With better song choice she might do well, but I'm guessing quick elimination.

Jill Gioia
- Janice Joplin, "Piece of my heart": Sexy in a trashy kind of way, obvious boob job, but not a bad one, nice energy, not a bad song choice. It takes balls to do ANY Joplin tune, and she does a respectable version. Not quite enough scream (she tried and failed) but passable. Apparently she's been a pro backup singer for a while, and a songwriter, and she has a hit in europe.

Josh Logan
- The Black Crowes, "She Talks to Angels": And representing the world of Karaoke... I LOVE this song, and I used to sing it on stage. I think he did a pretty good version. He got the inflection right, and his energy and performance were excellent, but his voice isn't quite the right pitch and timbre for it. That said, assuming he nails his song selection I can see him going into the final few. GREAT personalit and charisma on stage.

Lukas Rossi - Billy Idol, "Rebel Yell": Another canadian, and this one a lameoid emo looking boi, but can he sing? Weellll not not really, but he shouts real good. The ham factor was honestly too high on this performance to judge, but hes got great energy, and stage presence. I'm seeing J.D. disease here though... I'll reserve judgement til I see some real singing out of him.

Magni Asgiersson
- The Rolling Stones, "Satisfaction": From Iceland, where he has six albums two of which went gold, and of course no last name (which is common in iceland. They jsut call them selves after their fathers first name). Stones covers can be tough, because they are so Iconic, but this isn't a bad version. More of a shouter here, which given his background in icelandic metal is unsurprising; he does seem like he could actually sing though. Not a bad performance, a little stiff, but there's potential there.

Matt Hoffer
- Coldplay, "Yellow": A speed metal guitarist turned emo singer... I'm not impressed. He has pitch and tone issues (he's emo, of course he does), he should have stuck with speed metal. Poor song selection for him, and for the band. Reasonable performance but eh... underwhelming. Not horrible, just not that good.

Patrice Pike
- Jefferson Airplane, "Somebody to Love": Very professional. Too much ink, and kinda hard used looking, but she knows what she's doing. Good song selection, with what is not a terribly hard song to sing in terms of range, but a hard one to perform well dynamically, and it needs a real set of PIPES; and she nailed it. Great energy and drive, great charisma and feeling with the band, maybe a BIT forced but its her first time in front of millions so who can fault her. I cant wait to hear her on more vocally challenging songs.

Phil Ritchie
- Living Color, "Cult of Personality": Frikken awesome song, and he can't sing it. In fact he cant sing the same note for more than about a second for most of the song. GREAT energy and good performance, jsut no vocal consistency. He got a lot better towards the end of the song; maybe if he can fix it up a bit he can stay, but for now definitely bottom three.

Ryan Star - Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris": Looks like he escaped from 21 jump street, but I wont hold that against him, since apparently he was in a successful punk band. Not a BAD performance, but way too much ham and cheese. REALLY bad song selection for him. Clearly he can sing, but he cant sing that song. Honestly though, you gotta give credit to Johnny Rzeznik, it's a hard ass song to do well. The guy had balls to choose it, but it didnt work.

Storm Large - The Who, "Pinball Wizard": Apparently that IS her real name; and it fits since she's 6 foot tall, beautiful, and energetic. She's got amazing energy (especially since she's 37 - oh and another boob job), and can really work the crowd. She doesnt seem to have much range, but she does have good vocal power. I'm jsut tired of female rockers doing the melissa ethridge voice (and the swaggering elvis voice within it). The song is a tough one (pretty much any who song is) and she did a pretty good job. When I saw her song slection I thought she was dead, but she pulled it off.

Toby Rand - Bob Dylan, "Knockin on Heavens Door": An Australian soap opera refugee, apparently idolizes nickleback and plays with an acoustic trio, so I'm not well disposed towards him to begin with, but hey, he might be good... Then again no. He sounded like a boyband refugee doing this song. He can definitely sing, but he should be on american idol not rockstar. How much you wnat to bet he picks a John Mayer song at some point.

Zayra Alvarez - Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life": A Peurto Rican solo guitarist and songwriter, who looks strikingly like a cross between Salma Hayek and Lucy lawless (only much less buff). She can definitely sing, shes gorgeous, and she's a good performer.... BUT... She picked a song that is essentially impossible for anyone but Amy Lee to sing. I give her credit for trying, and not failing too badly, but she just can't do it. Lets see her pick a better tune for her voice, and THEN we'll see what she can do.

NOTE: I started this post yesterday during the elimination show, bit I couldnt finish the writeup til today (I fell asleep) and I was right on the bottom three; though I think Dilana was just as bad as the others:

Chris Pierson - The Doors, "LA Woman": Ehhhh... not great, too much grunt and growl, and again control issues. Decent performance but not great. Probably enough to keep him alive, but he gone in the next few weeks.

Phil Ritchie - Switchfoot, "Stars": Much better than his first effort, but still crap. Not a good song, and sung not very well, but again, probably enough to stay alive.

Matt Hoffer- Duran Duran, "Planet Earth": Fucking Duran Duran? Ok yes some of their stuff was cool, but you are singing for fucking TOMMY FUCKING LEE and you sing duran duran? Song selection alone killed this kid, but then we warbles and pops his way through it. Go back to the guitar matt. You are gone.

Some general comments... once again, msot of the chicks sound like country singers not rock singers. Also once again, the house band frikken kicks ass. I wonder if they are just session guys, or if they actually tour and release....

Until next week, when I predict Chris, Phil, and Dilana are on the bottom again.