This health stuff has, in some ways, made me into someone I don't like.
Frankly, I don't have the energy to blog a lot of the time. I've got plenty to say, plenty to talk about... and on the forums I run or participate in, and mostly in conversation, I'm still keeping up my end; but for me, blogging is a little different.
See, I've always treated blogging as real writing. Yes, it's me having a conversation with you all, in many ways; and yes, I mostly write as I speak... MOSTLY.
But the thing is, it takes a lot of mental energy to do this, at least to do it well and consistently; and lately, the only time I've had that energy, I've been using it to get things done in my life that really need to be done. I haven't had the spare energy for blogging, unless it was bitching... bitching has it's own energy to it.
So, I've spent a lot of the last few months... hell, the last year... bitching, and moaning, and not really participating in life.
Damn.. I just realized, it was a year ago now that I had the health crisis that precipitated the discovery of my cancer.
Yesterday was exactly 12 months from the day I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, which lead exactly one month later to the hypertensive crisis, which finally got me to the right specialist endocrinologist; who discovered my cancer.
Kinda convoluted, but that's pretty much how my life goes.
.. anyway, I've been bitching a lot, and I'm not really happy with that.
And before anyone says it, yeah I've got a lot to bitch about, legitimately. Don't care, that's not who I am. I solve problems, I don't just bitch about them. This just isn't me.
So, first thing, I want to say out loud, what I'm grateful for... and there's a lot.
And I'm going to do that in my next post, because I want it to stand alone.