Well, it's gift buying.. I mean Christmas season again; and the rampant consumer war is kicking into high gear' til the end of the year.
We've already got almost all of our Christmas shopping done for the year (thank god); but most people pretty much got started last Friday.
Our big gift to the girls this year is a new computer (Chris has his, I have mine, and then there's one for the whole family, that the girls can use); and we've asked our friends to try and buy them age appropriate educational software.
...And of course.. because we live in the world we do today; we've had to give them a list of things NOT to buy under any circumstances.
Everyone who buys gifts for the girls knows I have a very short list of toys not accepted in my house.
Once upon a time the list consisted of just one item: one very blonde, very hated doll. Not that I have anything against dolls, but I hate Barbie. Not only is she unrealistic, her "accessories" are a bit ridiculous, and don't require any imagination for play.
Besides, to do Barbie properly there is a long, expansive, and expensive list of clothing, friends, vehicles, and playsets to buy. Honestly no parent should enter Barbie land without expecting to spend at least $500 on the entire world, and that's way too much.
But as much as I hate Barbie, I hate one toy line with twice as much passion.
Bratz.
Bratz are evil. Bratz not only have the Barbie-esque list of accessories, but as bad as Barbie is at showing an unrealistic adult woman, Bratz are far worse when it comes to pre-teens.
Bratz are like Barbies. They have the clothes, the friends, the pets, and the other accessories. They have the combable hair, the fashion shows, their own tv show, and the website befitting their rather huge world. Bratz are also marketed to 4 year olds and up, just like Barbie. And just like Barbie, they have a devoted following funded by parents who should know better.
But that's where the similarities end. For one thing, Barbie is specifically marketed as an adult woman, with adult friends and adult careers and semi-adult pasttimes. Bratz are teen and pre-teen dolls, with all of the drama and lack of responsibility befitting the age. Not only that but all of the Bratz dolls obviously don't hurt for money, wear extremely fashionable clothes, and have the typical obsession with fashion, boys, being pretty and wearing WAY too much makeup. Bratz are essentially Barbies with all of the most objectionable traits magnified and attached to even younger characters.
Of course what I hate most about both toys is the lack of imagination on the part of the kids. Names are already picked out, clothing styles assigned, personality traits pre-decided and professions and pass times assigned.
With both Barbie, and Bratz, the kids are left with no decisions other than what situations to put the characters in. Sure, that's a lot, but not as mentally stimulating as handing kids generic dolls then trusting them to decide who their dolls are, just like they'll figure out who THEY are as they grow up.
But this is just another part of a rather disturbing trend. MSM and toy companies know what sells. They know kids always want to act older, and feel older and therefore will watch shows and play with toys that cater to those wants. For example, our kids watch Noggin sometimes during the day. Noggin is a cable channel which very specifically plays shows geared towards pre-schoolers and without commercials. However after 6 ET Noggin turns into "The N" which shows older kids' shows; including shows about pre-teens and teenagers tackling rather adult problems like drugs, alcohol, and regrettably sex.
I wouldn't have an objection to that concept, if it weren't for the fact that the shows seem to advocate all of the above, rather than send messages about how such things can mess up kids.
Obviously we don't let the kids watch that kind of crap; as it's against what we're trying to teach them; but I wonder how many parents see kids' programming as universally safe and unobjectionable, and therefore don't pay attention.
Here's the problem though: while I agree that kids should be encouraged to grow up in many ways, the good parts about growing up are always glossed over or missed entirely. The "War on Childhood" is only a partial war. The culture warriors are trying to make our children not into adults, but into perpetual, oversexualized adolescents.
They are only waging war on innocence, imagination, and play. The personal responsibility, appreciation of consequences, and understanding of good decision-making, that are all critical to adulthood; are not advocated or encouraged, and are often discouraged, as is an objective view of reality.
These same warriors against innocence refuse to do the whole job, by conveniently leaving out the consequences of poor choices. Sex doesn't lead to STDs or teenage motherhood in their version of morality, and kids don't kill themselves with overdoses either. Kids are encouraged to engage in adult activities without the warning of what might happen.
Is there a way to successfully defend our children in the War on Childhood? Sure. It requires each and every one of us to act the adults in our kids' lives, by watching what they are watching, explaining true consequences, and instilling our own values.
However, don't expect the war to end anytime soon. Too many parents aren't paying attention and will learn too late what effect this massive lost of innocence is having on adults-to-be (or more likely, "never to actually be adults"). Many parents are already facing the consequences of their ignorance, with dead kids or grandchildren to raise. Don't be one of them.
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sunday, December 24, 2006
They're No Angels, but They're Close Enough for Me
Although I won’t say we’ve got perfect little angels, we often get comments about how well behaved our kids are; and I have to agree, they are among the best behaved kids of their age I know of.
In the past year we’ve had maybe one screaming fit and tantrum from Shaila outside the house, nothing like that from Rosie; and saying that with a 2-3 year old is a pretty impressive feat. The kids are obedient to us; respectful to us, and to family, friends and strangers; and of course very loving; in public or at home.
Yes, of course they break the rules, every child does; but in doing so they are far nicer, more respectful, quieter etc.. than the run of the mill American parent has come to expect from their young children.
Honestly, I don't understand why so many parents tolerate the behaviors that they do. Screaming, throwing fits, poking, throwing things, speaking inappropriately in public, poking into other peoples business, hitting and fighting... These are all behaviors that 30 years ago would have exiled a child from public, and put them on a restrictive punishment; but for some reason parents today don't seem to see such rudeness and indiscipline as unacceptable.
Actually, the sheer gall of most parents our age appals me. They let their children throw fits and scream and wail in public; committing the most gross abuses against public decency and civility; and yet they expect all around them to give them special clearance and dispensation, because of their little monsters.
I don't think so.
A poorly behaved child, unless they are mentally ill, is nothing more than an indication of a poor parent. I always say, expect mediocrity and that is surely all you will recieve; expect excellence and you may just get it. Well, parents who expect nothing but bad behavoir, and tolerate it; will recieve nothing but bad behvavior and disrespect from their children; and neither will the world around them. A badly behaved child is far more likely to be a badly behaved teen, and a badly behaved adult; who we call either louts, or criminals depending on the severeity of their poor behavior.
So we simply do not accept it, and therefore we do not have poorly behaved children.
People ask us how we do it, and it’s simple. Love, Discipline, Respect, and IRON CLAD rules and boundaries.
We instill the values in our children, of respect, discipline, good behavior, and kindness; in everything we do, and in every lesson we give. We also teach them to expect if from others.
We give them firm boundaries, and clearly understood rules; because kids NEED those things. No, you shouldn't be too restrictive, but a kid should always know where they standl and where they stand should always be clear and consistent, with clear and consistent results and consequences for every action.
If the kids break the rules, they get punished. The rules are flexible and reasonable, but if they break the rules in a way that isn’t justified, it absolutely does not matter what arguments they make, how they feel, what they say, they get punished. If they do it again their punishment escalates.
We treat them absolutely fairly, we always explain every punishment, and why they are getting it; and this one amazes folks: After they are punished, they always thank us and tell us how much they love us.
No, we don’t make them thank us, they thank us because they understand we do it because it’s the right thing, and because we love them.
We don't negotiate with our kids, we don't bribe them, and we don't beg them to obey us. We make it very clear and direct, "you must do what we say, or you will be punished", and in the main they do it. The biggest problem we have is that they frequently don't want to clean up after themselves (something I'd call a bit of a universal issue).
Our punishments aren't harsh. It starts with being sent to their rooms for a short time and not being allowed to do whatever it is they wanted to do, then it’s sent to their rooms for half a day, then its no lunch or supper, and finally our most severe punishment, which we’ve probably had to use perhpas a dozen times this past year.
The most severe punishment we ever give is a light spanking; always accompanied by a trip straight to bed. By light I mean not enough force to make their butts red. If they resist the spanking, they get more spanks. If they scream too much about it before hand, or try to run away, or try to block the spanking, they get more spanks. Every step of the way we calmly explain to them why they are bing spanked, why they are gettign more spankings, and how "it doesnt matter that you don't WANT a spanking, you've got to be punished. If you don't want to be spanked, don't do make us spank you".
After the spanking, the girls always do the same thing, they grab and hug us, and tell us they're sorry and how much they love us; because they know they did wrong, they know they need to be punished, and they accept it.
Some folks say spanking isn't effective, or it's cruel, or kids don't understand why you're doing it, or it's just causing useless pain.
Bull.
The point of spanking isn’t to cause a lot of physical pain, it’s to physically reinforce the emotional consequences of misbehavior. The physical pain they recieve is nothing compared to the normal scrapes and bumps of their days; it’s the EMOTIONAL pain caused by the realization that they have made someone they love, and who loves them, hurt them; which is the real effect of the punishment.
That emotional pain is a far more effective reinforcement against bad behavior than any physical pain. Physical pain can be endured. Kids can get used to being spanked, and then where are you? You can escalate the force, but at that point, what’s the point? You’ve lost their respect and their sense of consequence and proportion, and you are now falling back on fear.
Your children should never truly fear you, or fear your punishment, in a physical sense. Terror of punishment is a far less effective, and far more negative motivator, than the prospect of the loss of respect and disappointment of a parent.
Those who fear punishment will only do the minimum necessary to avoid it. Those who wish to avoid dissapointing or losing the respect of the ones they respect or love, on the other hand; will generally do their best to earn or keep the respect of those people.
In the past year we’ve had maybe one screaming fit and tantrum from Shaila outside the house, nothing like that from Rosie; and saying that with a 2-3 year old is a pretty impressive feat. The kids are obedient to us; respectful to us, and to family, friends and strangers; and of course very loving; in public or at home.
Yes, of course they break the rules, every child does; but in doing so they are far nicer, more respectful, quieter etc.. than the run of the mill American parent has come to expect from their young children.
Honestly, I don't understand why so many parents tolerate the behaviors that they do. Screaming, throwing fits, poking, throwing things, speaking inappropriately in public, poking into other peoples business, hitting and fighting... These are all behaviors that 30 years ago would have exiled a child from public, and put them on a restrictive punishment; but for some reason parents today don't seem to see such rudeness and indiscipline as unacceptable.
Actually, the sheer gall of most parents our age appals me. They let their children throw fits and scream and wail in public; committing the most gross abuses against public decency and civility; and yet they expect all around them to give them special clearance and dispensation, because of their little monsters.
I don't think so.
A poorly behaved child, unless they are mentally ill, is nothing more than an indication of a poor parent. I always say, expect mediocrity and that is surely all you will recieve; expect excellence and you may just get it. Well, parents who expect nothing but bad behavoir, and tolerate it; will recieve nothing but bad behvavior and disrespect from their children; and neither will the world around them. A badly behaved child is far more likely to be a badly behaved teen, and a badly behaved adult; who we call either louts, or criminals depending on the severeity of their poor behavior.
So we simply do not accept it, and therefore we do not have poorly behaved children.
People ask us how we do it, and it’s simple. Love, Discipline, Respect, and IRON CLAD rules and boundaries.
We instill the values in our children, of respect, discipline, good behavior, and kindness; in everything we do, and in every lesson we give. We also teach them to expect if from others.
We give them firm boundaries, and clearly understood rules; because kids NEED those things. No, you shouldn't be too restrictive, but a kid should always know where they standl and where they stand should always be clear and consistent, with clear and consistent results and consequences for every action.
If the kids break the rules, they get punished. The rules are flexible and reasonable, but if they break the rules in a way that isn’t justified, it absolutely does not matter what arguments they make, how they feel, what they say, they get punished. If they do it again their punishment escalates.
We treat them absolutely fairly, we always explain every punishment, and why they are getting it; and this one amazes folks: After they are punished, they always thank us and tell us how much they love us.
No, we don’t make them thank us, they thank us because they understand we do it because it’s the right thing, and because we love them.
We don't negotiate with our kids, we don't bribe them, and we don't beg them to obey us. We make it very clear and direct, "you must do what we say, or you will be punished", and in the main they do it. The biggest problem we have is that they frequently don't want to clean up after themselves (something I'd call a bit of a universal issue).
Our punishments aren't harsh. It starts with being sent to their rooms for a short time and not being allowed to do whatever it is they wanted to do, then it’s sent to their rooms for half a day, then its no lunch or supper, and finally our most severe punishment, which we’ve probably had to use perhpas a dozen times this past year.
The most severe punishment we ever give is a light spanking; always accompanied by a trip straight to bed. By light I mean not enough force to make their butts red. If they resist the spanking, they get more spanks. If they scream too much about it before hand, or try to run away, or try to block the spanking, they get more spanks. Every step of the way we calmly explain to them why they are bing spanked, why they are gettign more spankings, and how "it doesnt matter that you don't WANT a spanking, you've got to be punished. If you don't want to be spanked, don't do make us spank you".
After the spanking, the girls always do the same thing, they grab and hug us, and tell us they're sorry and how much they love us; because they know they did wrong, they know they need to be punished, and they accept it.
Some folks say spanking isn't effective, or it's cruel, or kids don't understand why you're doing it, or it's just causing useless pain.
Bull.
The point of spanking isn’t to cause a lot of physical pain, it’s to physically reinforce the emotional consequences of misbehavior. The physical pain they recieve is nothing compared to the normal scrapes and bumps of their days; it’s the EMOTIONAL pain caused by the realization that they have made someone they love, and who loves them, hurt them; which is the real effect of the punishment.
That emotional pain is a far more effective reinforcement against bad behavior than any physical pain. Physical pain can be endured. Kids can get used to being spanked, and then where are you? You can escalate the force, but at that point, what’s the point? You’ve lost their respect and their sense of consequence and proportion, and you are now falling back on fear.
Your children should never truly fear you, or fear your punishment, in a physical sense. Terror of punishment is a far less effective, and far more negative motivator, than the prospect of the loss of respect and disappointment of a parent.
Those who fear punishment will only do the minimum necessary to avoid it. Those who wish to avoid dissapointing or losing the respect of the ones they respect or love, on the other hand; will generally do their best to earn or keep the respect of those people.
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