So it's only been a week since I posted the Summer '06 Bad Fashion Choice Awards and I've already received more candidates and more suggestions for rules.
First off one of my co-workers, Sally, was kind enough to offer this advice after spotting yet another woman who should have known better. 60 year old women with "well-used" (her phrase) breasts should not be seen in public in tank tops with spaghetti straps, low necklines, and no bra.
Rule 12. Wrinkly breast tissue is not for public display.
Rule 13. Women blessed enough to nurse many babies should also bless themselves with sufficient chest support.
Monica offered this spectacular example of wishful thinking in the comments section of the last post.
Ok, I've got one that might take#1. I work at a department store. We have a large repeat customer base. I call this particular specimine "nasty old lady"
This woman looks like she's over 60. Maybe pushing 70. Platinum blonde. Visits the tanning booth way too often, and she looks like a smoker who lost a lot of weight. You know what I mean: dry wrinkly, saggy skin. Her makeup is always terribly overdone...we're talking shiny purple eyeshadow almost up to the eyebrows kind of overdone.
Well...one day nasty old lady walks into the store in a very short hot pink skirt that I know came from the juniors department. It's one of those barely-covers-the-(saggy old)-butt skirts that has just enough little pleats that you can walk, but not nearly enough to bend over safely. Top this with a canary yellow tank top down to there....which is not cool on a lady whose breasts have definitely seen perkier days. And complete the outfit with a little white cropped denim jacket and chunky-heeled strappy sandals.
That look might have been acceptable on my 15-yr-old size 3 sister...but not on a lady old enough to be her grandma. I almost hurled when she walked out because that little pink skirt was way too little and cellulite doesn't go away when you tan.
Rule 14. Makeup only belongs in semi-natural colors and as a whole is supposed to look natural and make you look better, not worse. Ditto for haircoloring.
Rule 15. Short skirts, like midriff-baring tops, should only serve to highlight relatively firm and smooth skin and even then some mystery would be appreciated at times. I don't want to know what color your underwear (or lack thereof) is.
Rule 16. Yellow is a dangerous color that must be avoided, ESPECIALLY on the tanned.
Rule 17. Hot pink + yellow + white = don't even think about it. The 80s are calling, and they wnat their colors back.
Rule 18. Aging should bring dignity, which should be evident in your style of dress. An older woman with dignity and taste always beats those showing off cellulite.
Sam had these rules to offer, which I totally agree with:
I care not at all for fashion - as far as I am concerned, you can wear what you like. My only rules are those of common courtesy to anyone that you might meet:
1. I don't want to see your arse, groin or chest.
1b. Yes, that includes men.
1c. And I don't want to see your thong either.
2. I don't want to smell you. Invasive perfume is as bad as invasive BO.
3. The beach doesn't count.
This from a man, ladies. If you dress like that who exactly are you dressing for anyway?
And last but not least, Cheryl emailed me this stunning example of stupidity:
As seen in a mall in SW Florida...........
This lady must have weighed in at around 350 lbs. She was wearing....
1. A purple bikini top at least 14 sizes too small, the cups just covered her nipple area, nothing more. And very visible underarm hair.
2. A pair of very short shorts.....in bright yellow.....translucent bright yellow, with pubic hair popping out on either side.
3. A red thong, easily seen through said yellow shorts
4. A pair of flip flops
She was window shopping at the 5-7-9 store while eating a huge chocolate ice cream cone. She smelled as if she hadn't even come close to a shower in quite some time.
This description was sent to me by my daughter, who was shopping with her 2 year old son, hopefully he won't go blind.
Now this involves a long string of rules, a few of them for the larger women among us:
Sam's Rule 1. + Rule 15. Yes, I know there is a drastic shortage of good-looking clothing for plus-size women in this world, as I am one of them. But NO ONE looks good in clothing that is too small or two large. If you have trouble finding something that fits, SEW IT YOURSELF.
Rule 16. Bikini tops belong at the beach, not where there is air conditioning. Cover-ups would be greatly appreciated.
Rule 17. This is not Europe. Underarm hair is not to be seen. But that is not as bad as...
Rule 18. Pubic hair must not be seen AT ALL COSTS. Even the thin among us must maintain a clean bikini line when wearing certain clothing. Not that it would have been a problem if you'd been following rule #15. And once again with the yellow!
Sam's rule 1c. + Rule 19. Like bras, underwear that may become visible is much better matched to your clothing or your skin color. This includes thongs.
Rule 20. Flip flops are evil. Outside of pool areas and dorm showers, flip flops just look lazy and ugly.
Rule 21. Stores that DO NOT cater to the larger population are quite obvious, especially when the only sizes they carry (5,7, and 9) are indicated in the name of the store.
Rule 22. B.O., like strong perfume, is not at all attractive.
Oh and +1 on the poor kid not going blind.
So those are the next two candidates for the bad fashion choice awards. It may be a close contest, it remains to be seen. Summer will be here for a while yet; there is always a chance that someone will spot another self-victimizing fashion screw-up worthy of the awards. If you happen to find one, please post in the comments or email to me at melody.byrne@gmail.com.
I need to go find a good movie with pretty people now. The mental pictures are starting to get to me...
Mel
Just call me Mel, everyone else does.
