"I'm all out of spoons"...
Yaknow... if it works for you, great... but I hate the spoon thing...
Yes, the concept makes sense once you explain it... but using spoons for it is just arbitrary and silly... there's no logical or metaphorical connection. It has to be explained to someone, rather then being intuitively understood, or there being a clear chain of reasoning to get there themselves.
I prefer it this way...
On a given day, I have a variable number of fucks to give.
Some days I have a lot of fucks to give. Some days not many at all... some days in between.
I don't know how many fucks I will have to give on any given day.
Sometimes I can estimate how many fucks I have to give that day, while I'm giving them, and I can manage them reasonably well.
Sometimes, I run out of fucks to give right in the middle of something, with no warning.
It takes a variable number of fucks per hour, simply to stay alive.
Some days... some hours even... that number is lower... Some much higher.
It takes a variable number of fucks to deal with pain, and stress...
...again, some days... or hours... relatively low, some days quite high.
Some days, I run out of fucks there... or even before... and there is more pain and stress that day, than I have fucks to give...
...Those are very bad days.
It takes another variable number of fucks to deal with whatever shit I absolutely must fucking deal with that day.
Some days I run out of fucks to give before I can deal with that shit.... Some days I don't.
Mostly I get around that by minimizing the stuff I absolutely MUST do, and either stack it all up for one day I can expend exceptional effort on, burning extra fucks on willpower and drugs...and then recover for several days... Or I try to spread them out and be flexible... so that I can get shit done when I have the spare fucks to give.
... a lot of times I have to have someone else give those fucks for me, or it just won't get done in time... and that really fucks me up...
Whatever fucks I may have left to expend at that point, go to whatever else there may be in this world.
First, to my wife, kids, family, friends... the people I love and care about, and who care about me...
They get all the fucks I can give them... or they can stand from me...
Then, to "leisure activities"...
...Which, since I'm way more than broke (right now I can't even pay my medical bills, keep the lights on, keep a roof over our head, or keep transportation), without a vehicle, very sick, and in a lot of pain...
... Mostly consists of reading, watching videos, and "social media"... and frankly, my focus and attention for reading has been horrible for a couple months...
... honestly, right now I can barely get through a web article and remember it at the end some days...
...Worst thing, is that for a couple months now, I can't seem to just sit and read a book to save my life (one of my favorite things in the world, and one of the very few things that relaxes me at all... and something where when Im healthy I can and will gladly read several books a day). I start reading, and I lose focus, and read the same page over and over and forget what I was reading...
... Really,.. that one... that one really fucks with me quite badly... I've been here before, and I really don't want to live through fucking "Flowers for Algernon" again... It's... Not worth it for me... and it's fucking hard to do it even for my wife and kids...
...but anyway, those fucks go to keeping my mind occupied, and amused, and distracted from the pain and the stress and everything else...
Finally, very last of all, are whatever the fucks I may have left to give for everything else...
Among the "everything else", that I have had so few fucks to give about recently...
...Taking the time, effort and energy, to bother deeply explaining things to, persuading, or arguing with other people, who don't bother making even the most basic effort at listening, learning, or thinking.
Sometimes I will still make an effort...
If those other people are worth bothering with... great... Makes me feel good, and if I help somebody learn something new, or help myself learn something, even if it's how to better present the information... spectacular... It may even replenish some of fucks to give... which is great. It's why I ever bother doing any of it at all.
Or if it amuses me... that's always worth doing...
But most of the time... it's just not worth giving a fuck...
Shit, when I really want to, I can turn people around 180, and make them think it was their own damn idea...
... But that takes a hell of a lot of giveafuck...
... and unfortunately... about most things, for most people...
....I've just run out of fucks to give.
So, unless they're someone I like or care about... or I think they may be worth it... Or I think that their particular brand of stupidity, or leaving them ignorant, would be harmful to people or things I care about... or even harmful to the world as a whole...
...Or if they annoy me enough I can't let it go...
... Or if it would amuse me to fuck with them...
...Most of the time, they're absolutely not worth wasting a fuck on.
I just don't have enough of them right now, that I can afford to waste them.
Fuck cancer... Fuck it up the ass, sideways, with a rusty chainsaw...
