Overheard in our household part howevermany...

Chris: (trying a new coffee blend, from a local "fair trade" and "organic" coffee importer and roaster) Damn... that's some really great coffee.

Mel: Yeah... every time I walk in there I'm completely surrounded by dirty hippies... but they ARE very good at what they do.

One Cup at a Time

Recently, someone asked me what I would recommend for brewing coffee for one... for someone who didn't drink a ton of coffee, and who didn't want to obsess over the details.

Then a few days later, a forum reader asked for recommendations for making coffee on a liveaboard boat. 

I figured I would set my rather long response down here in blog post form.

So  a little background, for those of you who may not have followed my blog obsessively for years, as to why someone would be asking me for coffee advice:

I am a coffee fanatic. I was at one time an 8-12 POT, not cup a day drinker. Through my late teens and twenties, I was so caffeinated, you could have distilled my blood to make energy drink concentrate.

There was a collectible card game called netrunner, that had a card with the quote "There's too much blood in my caffeine system". I lived by that quote religiously, and had a framed copy of the card up on my office wall at one point.

Over the past six years, I have written six posts, specifically about how to make coffee; never mind the literally hundreds of references to or mentions of coffee.

I have cut my coffee consumption WAY down over the past few years; but as it is, today I still drink anywhere from one to four, 12oz mugs of coffee a day, most days (usually just one or two though now).

I only drink GOOD coffee.

Starbucks, is not good coffee...

....and fritalian is ridiculous to order coffee in anyway; plus it's overpriced crap.

I had a technivorm drip brewer, which makes the best drip coffee there is... Because it's the ONLY drip coffee maker that brews at the proper temp.

I have a 15 bar pump espresso machine, with a dual boiler; and a conical burr grinder.

I have several different French presses, and an electric kettle that gets me a full pot of just under boiling water in about 90 seconds for said presses.

I have or have had, a classic Bialetti moka pot, a vacuum pot, and a Chemex brewer.

All of these make spectacular coffee. All of them take a fair bit of time and effort to do so.

I break out one of these brewing methods (usually my thermal carafe and my double walled stainless French press. Less heat loss) when I want the best possible, truly excellent coffee.

However, as I no longer drink pots of coffee at a time, and my wife drinks far less coffee than I do. Unless I'm entertaining, I have no need for brewing more than 4 cups (we drink 12oz mugs, so thats 2 6oz "cups" each right there by coffee measure) at a time anymore.

Also, the biggest problem with drinking good coffee, is keeping coffee good for more than a few minutes. There are a lot of tricky, or expensive ways of doing that, and they work quite well... but they're tricky or expensive.

The best way is to just brew good, hot, fresh coffee; as many cups as you need right then and no more; and drink it immediately.

To my mind, there are about six good ways of doing that.

The first is to use a single cup drip filter. These work pretty well, but can spill easily (especially on a boat) and be a bit messy. Also there is a lot of heat loss during the brewing process. On the plus side, you control the water very precisely; the temperature, volume, and steep rate.

The smallest two sizes of chemex brewer and french press also do pretty well; but you really need to brew at least 4 cups (coffee "cups", so 24oz) at a time to get proper results. any smaller amount of grounds, and the wetting and brew times aren't quite right.

There's something called the "aeropress", that makes really excellent coffee, one cup at a time. It's a bit less messy than the other methods here, and makes about as good quality coffee, but of a slightly different character and flavor.

There's also the cold brewing process; where you brew in cold water, overnight, and VERY strong, to make a coffee concentrate. Then when you want a cup of coffee, you either mix the concentrate into an iced coffee with ice water and adulterants (cream, milk, sugar etc...); or you mix it with just under boiling temp water.

There are a couple of elements to take note of, that these methods share.

First, they all require you to grind your own coffee for best results. So does every other brewing method of course, but each one requires a different grind to brew properly.

You shouldn't grind more than a few days worth of coffee at a time at worst, and it's best if you just grind a days worth, or even a pots worth, at once. However, I don't recommend you grind coffee one cup at a time, as such a small quantity tend to grind suboptimally. You want to grind as much as you'll consume for the morning, or all day, and just keep it in an airtight container.

Second, all of the methods I listed above require an external source of hot water. I personally prefer an electric boiling kettle. Most U.S. branded kettles aren't very good, because we aren't major tea drinkers in the U.S. The UK and EU brands are generally better, but also considerably more expensive. The best of them can boil a quart/liter of water in under 90 seconds (some in as little as 30).

Unless you're cold brewing, you need to brew coffee at over 190 degrees, and under 210 degrees; with an ideal temperature of 195-205 degrees. A good boiling kettle will get you there quickly. Just let it come off the boil, and by the time you get the water into the brewer, it'll be at 206 or below.

Actually, if you want to know why your drip coffee maker produces crap coffee, that's probably why. Most of them don't get the water near hot enough; and most of the ones that do drop the water onto the grounds while still boiling (which extracts much more bitterness and off flavors from the grounds).

So... all of that is a bit fiddly... and a bit messy, and all require a multistep process etc... etc...

I think they're worth it for really great coffee, but they can be a pain in the ass. And I think that they're a bit impractical for a boat, unless you have a lot of room, and stay docked all the time.

Even mediocre coffee making methods like drip and percolators, leave a lot to be desired on a boat. There's still the glass carafe, or the relatively unstable percolator etc... and of course the mess of grounds.

About 18 months ago, recognizing that my wife and I no longer drank a pot of coffee at a time, that we ended up throwing away more coffee that we were drinking, no matter what we did to keep the coffee "fresh" and tasting good (and we tried everything)....

And recognizing that "really good" coffee was acceptable most of the time, instead of "spectacular" coffee...

...We bought a Keurig machine; this one in fact: Cuisinart Keurig Brewing System

We brew one cup at a time, each cup takes about 30 seconds to brew (including the time to heat the water), each one is hot and fresh exactly when you want it.

More importantly, it's really good coffee. Some of the k-cups (the single serving coffee packs) verge on excellent. Yeah, I can make better coffee with a French press, but this is almost as good, and a hell of a lot more convenient.

There are four disadvantages to the Keurig: One, at retail, it's about $0.40 a 6oz cup for coffee (a lot better than starbucks, but still more than the standard "1 tablespoon per six ounces" Folgers at $6 a pound {appx. 64 tablespoons per pound}, or about $0.09 a cup; or the local whole bean roasters at $9 a pound for about $0.15 per cup). Two, there is a bit more waste per cup to dispose of. Three, you are limited to the coffee that k-cup makers decide to give you. Four, you have to have k-cups, and they aren't widely available everywhere.

On the other hand, there are a couple of mitigating factors here:

We found that compared to when we were brewing full pots, we wasted so much less coffee, that we were spending less on the K-cups as we were on the coffee we were brewing. Also, we were throwing away about the same volume of trash as we were before (though admittedly, the keurig trash involves non dumpable/digestable/compostable plastic). Finally, buying mailorder is much cheaper, and more convenient; to the point where through Amazon we can get each cup down into the $0.20 range (or $0.40 since we brew a double into a large mug), with free shipping (free two day shipping in our case, since we're prime members).

Oh and as to general availability, I have found k-cups in every supermarket, Target, WalMart, Costco, and Sams Club I have been in, in four different states, over the last two years.

Further, there are three direct solutions for these problems:

Firstly, there is a filter pod accessory, that lets you grind and use your own coffee, on a single cup basis. Our Cuisinart came with one, but third party models are available from Amazon for $10-$15.

You simply load your coffee up to the line (first line for "normal' second line for "extra bold"), drop it into the machine just like one of the disposable kcups, and brew. Just rinse out the filter when you're done.

This reduces the cost to whatever you pay for coffee normally. There no additional waste, no additional cost, over and above whatever brewing method you were using before. It also lets you use whatever type of coffee you want, whatever roast you want, and gives you some flexibility in grind (though not too fine or too coarse, or it won't brew properly).

What you lose of course, is the sealed k-cup convenience. You still have to grind your own coffee, and you clean up one at a time etc...

The second solution is a little tool and filter papers, that lets you make your own disposable filter coffee pods. You grind and seal the coffee in the filter papers, then drop the sealed filter paper into a reusable kcup holder.

The filter papers are a few pennies a piece (the current amazon price is $10 for 50, or $0.20 a piece; but if you buy by the case, it goes down to something like $0.02 a piece), and are compostable. You don't throw away any plastic. Also, the plastic reusable kcup holders can often also hold coffee pods from other brands like Nepresso and Senseo; so you aren't just limited to the brands that offer K-cups.

It's still less convenient than the k-cup, because you have to grind the coffee and load up the filters; but its no more inconvenient than any conventional coffee brewing method.

The third method also uses a little tool and disposable filters; but the disposable filter is part of an entire disposable kcup. Instead of using a resuable filter holder, you just seal the coffe in and discard the whole thing, just like the original kcups.

Oh and for our machine, there's an added convenience, in that it will give you up to 12oz of 195 degree water on demand, for tea, hot chocolate, instant soup etc... And then 30 seconds later, another 12oz.

When we want coffee that isn't offered in a k-cup, sometimes we break out the french press... but more often than not we're just loading up the filter pod, because it's so easy and convenient.

Of course, there's always instant....

The "Secret" to good coffee...

Is that there is no secret.

I've written this before, but it's come up again recently so I thought I'd go over it one more time.

As far as I'm concerned there's no actual secret to good coffee; just chemistry, and learning how not to screw it up.

Good coffee is made with good water, in good properly roasted beans, at the right temperature, for the right amount of time. That's it.

Coffee is one of those things that's simple, though simple, doesn't necessarily mean easy.

Coffee beans are EXTREMELY sensitive to temperature, moisture, and PH. They have a lot of volatile organic compounds that react with these different elements. Too little, and you don't get the flavor out. Too much and you either burn the flavors out, or leech out flavors you don't want.

So, what exactly does good water, in good beans, for the right amount of time etc... mean?

Well, how about I share some tricks with you.

1. Make your bean, roast, and grind, fit your brew, and brew method. There is no perfect bean, perfect roast, or perfect grind. Each type of coffee (everyone has something they like, or don't like) and each brewing method, requires a different roast and a different grind.
   
   
2. Use filtered water, not distilled. Distilling water removes all the trace elements and dissolved solids that give it character and flavor, making it taste flat. Filtering gets rid of chlorine (which absolutely ruins coffee), sediments, and most of the excess mineral content; but leaves enough minerals for the water not to taste flat.
   
   If you must use distilled and it does taste flat; put a half teaspoon of sugar, a half teaspoon of salt, and a half teaspoon of baking soda in each gallon, and dissolve them thoroughly before brewing. That will "wake up" your water.
   
   Also, a TINY bit of vinegar, or lemon juice, in the water produces a slightly better cup of coffee. Call it a drop per cup. Lowering the PH just a bit helps in the extraction, and helps disperse the oils.
   
   
3. A pinch of salt per cup added to the grounds makes a MUCH better cup. Again, it helps in extraction and dispersing the oils. It also acts to enhance your tastebuds perceptions of other flavors.
   
   
4. The best results are with beans roasted 7 days or less before you brew. Some beans are great just after roasting and cooling (never grind while beans are still warm); some require anywhere from 12 hours to 5 days of resting before achieving peak flavor.
   
   There are local roasters almost everywhere these days, but it may not be convenient to use them. If you have to get prepackaged beans, make sure they are vacuum packed, and the roast date is no more than 6 months before you intend to use them.
   
   If, god forbid, you use preground coffee; you can significantly improve it by simply regrinding it for a few seconds just before brewing. It breaks up the surface of the grounds, allowing more essential oils to express. Obviously this only works with relatively coarse grounds (chock full'o'nuts and Yuban are quite coarse. Maxwell house is finer).
   
   In any event, you should grind just before you brew, or at most a few hours before (the night before to preprogram your machine for the morning let's say). Otherwise some of those volatile oils will evaporate off, leaving you with less flavor.
   
   
5. Two level tablespoons of medium-fine grounds per 6oz water is ideal for any immersion brew (including automatic drip machines); but will produce a very strong and robust brew from all but the thinnest of coffees.
   
   Reduce the amount slightly to 2 tablespoons per 8oz for a slightly less strong brew; but don't reduce to below 1tblsp for every 6oz.
   
   
6. If using an auto drip machine, pre wet the grounds with a spray mist of tepid or cold water before hand, and you'll get more even extraction.
   
   
7. Never brew at above 208 degrees, or below 190 degrees Fahrenheit; unless you are cold brewing.
   
   Unfortunately the average coffee maker barely hits 190 degrees at the showerhead. You need a high end commercial machine, or a machine like a Technivorm, which will get the water to 205, but NOT to burn the coffee on the warming plate (actually, some Technivorms don't even have a warming plate).
   
   The best way to guarantee proper temperature water is with a french press, or a pour over filter; preferably decanted immediately after brewing (or brewing directly into) into your cup, or a thermal carafe.
   
   
8. Never immersion brew for less than about 2.5 minutes, or more than about 4.5 minutes actual extraction time. You don't get the full flavor with less than 2 minutes immersion. After around 4 minutes at heat, the oils start to become unpleasant tasting, and more tannins are leeched out of the ground beans.
   
   
9. If you're going to apply any kind of warming, make sure it's below 160 degrees, and for no more than 15 minutes after brewing. Any hotter, or longer, and the oils will start to go rancid.
   
   
10. If you want good coffee from a noncommercial machine, run a bare water cycle through first; then when the machine is heat soaked, run a brew cycle. Never brew with hot water though, as it can contain more dissolved sediments that can ruin your coffee.
    

Honestly, you don't have to be so fussy. Just remember brew about 2tblsp per cup, of a medium ground coffee, at between 190 and 208 degrees, for between 2.5 and 4.5 minutes, using filtered water.

The rest, that's optional, or to compensate for problems, or to really get that last bit of flavor etc... etc... Just plain good coffee, that's simple.

Dunkin Donuts Christmas Blend

Yeah.... no.

If I'd wanted an amaretto cookie, I'd have asked for one.

How to save $2000 a year by spending $400

Do you like Starbucks?

I mean their coffee, not their corporate structure, blighting the landscape etc...

I don't actually; Starbucks is over-roasted, poorly blended, poorly extracted, and mostly overpriced coffee.

I prefer my local coffee shops (there are three very good ones within three miles of me); but even then, if you want a five shot latte, they get a bit expensive.

Mel and I are both big espresso drinkers. I'm also a big regular coffee drinker, but Mel only likes the espresso drinks. Something about the tannic character of regular brewed coffee doesn't sit well with her.

Anyway, we drink a lot of coffee; and a lot of espresso; and up until a few months ago, we were doing it mostly by buying these espresso drinks at either one of the local shops, or Starbucks (the locals aren't open the hours that Starbucks is)... to the tune of about $10 every working day for the two of us.

$10 a working day... 200 days a year... yipes, $2,000 a year on coffee drinks?

This is one of those things that kills budgeting, because it doesn't seem like much for each individual transaction, but when you careful track everything you spend (and we do), and then add it all up, at the end of the month there's $200 on coffee.

... And then there's the calories. I can't tell you how many women I've known who go crazy on diets eating nothing but rabbit food and celery soup etc... and tey not only aren't losing weight, they keep gaining it.

What they didn't realize was that as they reduced their calorie intake from other sources, they started drinking 2 and 3 lattes a day... lattes that are 470 calories a piece. People thing "oh it's just coffee", and coffee only has .5 calories per ounce... except those venti hazelnut lattes AREN'T just coffee, they're 6oz of coffee, plus 12oz of whole milk or even half and half, plus usually 2 tablespoons worth of sugar (flavor shots are sugar syrup).

Drinking even one of these things is like eating a quarter pounder with cheese. The most "evil" drink on the Starbucks menu; the Peppermint white mocha with whipped cream; is, at 700 calories, roughly the same as eating a DOUBLE quarter pounder with cheese.

So, the simple solution is to just give up the espresso drinks right? Or just brew your own coffee.

Great, I do that already.. except that doesn't help with Mel, who gets a sour stomach from all but the most expensive (like $30 a pound) brewed coffees, even when brewed properly (as I've covered before).

So, say you don't want to give up your lattes, what do you do?

Make your own.

The first step is to find a good supplier of beans. If you live in any major metropolitan area, you can get fresh roasted beans at a reasonable price. We use a local roaster here, that blends and roasts their own coffee twice a week, and they're only about $8 a pound for some very nice coffees. If you're really anal you can even buy green beans, and roast your own (our roaster also sells green beans, but we don't have a roasting setup).

Second, buy a proper conical burr grinder. Blade grinders make burned dust. We've got a Cuisinart cuisepro grinder, but there are dozens of brands out there that make decent grinders.

The final and most important step for espresso specifically, is to get an espresso machine.

Oh I know; I bet a bunch of you have tried those home espresso machines, and they're crap. They take forever to heat up, and what they extract is barely drinkable crap. They're a waste of a hundred bucks.

Yes, they ARE a waste of $100. That's why you don't buy a $100 home POS machine.

What you NEED is a heavy duty pump machine; but for $100, all you get is a steam boiler with a 40mm filter, made of pot metal...

Hell, not only do they not work, they are messy, and even dangerous. A few years ago I had one from a supposedly reputable brand actually blow up in my kitchen when the pressure relief valve sedimented up, and the pressure vessel burst. I was only a few feet away when it happened, and I was showered with hot glass and potmetal fragments. Thank god I was wearing glasses at the time, or I would have been seriously hurt, instead of just getting a scalding and some small cuts.

So, whatever you do, DON'T buy one of those cheap $100 home machines...

...But if you spend $400-500 or so, it's a completely different story.

$400-500 or so gets you into a semi-pro level semi-automatic pump machine with a 1500 watt boiler; that will heat up to operating temperature in 30 seconds, and extract a double shot in another 30 seconds.

To extract great espresso from an electric machine, there are three magic numbers:
1. 58mm: the size of professional portafilters (preferably in chromed brass)
2. 1500 watts: the size of heater necessary to properly and quickly heat water for espresso
3. 15 bar: the amount of pressure necessary to properly extract espresso

Mel and I have owned this Breville machine for a little while now:


It's a semi automatic, 15 bar, 1500 watt pump machine; and we love it. We bought it because at $400, it was the lowest price machine that was attractive, had all the features we wanted (mostly, Mel wanted something completely simple to operate, and to clean and maintain), and still got good reviews.

Gaggia, Pavoni, Rancilo, Solis, Breville, and Briel all make decent quality machines, that reach down to that $400-$500 price point (at least through online discounters), and that extract great espresso.

Of course spending more can get you more neat features, more pressure, a bigger heater etc... but what you really NEED, is 15 bar and 1500 watts; everything else is just extra.

One thing I don't care for with the Breville is that they use a crema enhancer (which I didn't know before I ordered it); which is a steam jacket around the filter insert with a pinhole that aerates the espresso as it extracts. Yes, it does make good crema (the oily creamy foam on the top of an espresso shot) but I prefer my espresso crema to come naturally; and with good beans, and a 15 bar pump extracting at the right temperature, crema enhancers are unnecessary.

Irritatingly, it also leaves VERY wet grounds, which means you cant just pull the portafilter, knock the puck out, and reload it; you have to rinse and wipe first.

But the important part is, it' makes very tasty espresso, and it makes it very quickly. The machine heats to operating temperature in 30 seconds; and pulling a double shot only takes a few more on top of that.

Then you just need to steam your milk, and if you like, add your flavor shots (which you can buy almost anywhere); and presto! you have your $6 espresso drink, for all of $0.50, and five minutes (less time than it takes to wait in line at the green monster).

If you want to save on calories, you can get sugar free flavor syrups, and use whole milk instead of half and half... or even 2% (don't go below 2% for steaming, the "milk" semi-curdles, and besides it just doesn't taste right anyway).

Anyway, at our rate of consumption, the $400 machine will have paid for itself in a couple more months, even accounting for coffee and supplies; and it even saves us time, because not only is it faster than driving to the coffee shop, it's about 4 times faster than brewing plain old coffee.

Cahfee Cultchah

I'm a HUGE coffee drinker. When I was a teenager, and through my time in the Air Force, I used to drink several pots of coffee a day.

Note, that's POTS not cups.

I reckoned my consumption was something on the order of two gallons of coffee on an average day. Unfortunately when my UC became an issue in my mid twenties I had to cut down my coffee consumption a hell of a lot; but most days I'll still have something like a pint or quart of coffee (one or two 16 oz large mugs).

Now, for those of you not regular readers, I was born and raised in Boston, and the Boston area (all over the south shore). In Boston, coffee means Dunkin Donuts. They're utterly dominant, with at least five times as many Dunkins as Starbucks.

...and that's a GOOD thing.

My friend SeekHer (a conservative Canadian/Israeli jew, with an American wife, and 10 daughters; who makes me look like a gun fearing wussie) posted something on the gunthing.com forums today that inspired me:

SeekHer - 05 May 2007 03:29 AM Here Starbucks are a rarity because our normal coffee shops come doughnut shops serve better coffee then they do and at half the cost…

The local coffee come doughnut shop he's referring to is of course Tim Hortons; the biggest restaurant chain in Canada (there are more Tim Hortons in Canada than there are McDonald's). Timmys is a bit of a national symbol in Canada (for good or ill), and is a huge part of Canadian pop culture.

I still think Dunkin Donuts has better coffee than Tim Hortons; but he's got a point. Either have better coffee than Starbucks; and have since the 60s.

If you order actual coffee from Starbucks (as opposed to an espresso drink) what you get is poorly blended (20% or more robusta; some blends over 50%) over roasted and over extracted crap.

Both Tim Hortons, and Dunkin Donuts give you smooth coffee of a reasonable strength (as compared to typical restaurant coffee which is essentially brown water) , that is bright without being too acidic, and has body without being too bitter. My only wish is that they would make it a bit stronger.

Now, I'm not saying this is great coffee. COmpared to the good stuff I brew at home, or you get from a really good cafe, it's bland and weak. But for breakfast coffee, or something in the middle of the night, I WANT smooth, and mild but still flavorful coffee, and it fits the bills (though like I said, I wish it were stronger).

What’s amazing to me is that in general, both chains have been able to maintain consistently good standards throughout their huge expansions (combined they make up 70% of the north American coffee market. Starbucks is about 20%, with the rest going to “everyone else"). Both chains had falloffs in quality in the early 80s; but the competition from Starbucks in the 90s drove both to bring their standards and consistency back up to where they were before the decline.

The only problem I have with Dunkins, is that smaller stores don't make their own donuts (yes, that's how they spell it), they have them trucked in from central hubs; so they aren't served hot, and they can get stale over the course of the day. Krispy Kreme has them all over on the hot and fresh scale (but their coffee sucks. Way too bright, and bitter without body or flavor).

Now I just wish Tim Hortons would expand more in the U.S. Right now, with something like 150 stores here, you can only get them in the north east and northern mid west (even better, start serving Tim Hortons coffee and breakfast foodin Wendys - which they own - and I'd eat at Wendys a lot more).

Seriously, Dunkins could use the competition.

Almost ten years ago I took my then new (now long time Ex) wife and her mother on a bus tour of Boston. One thing our driver pointed out was that there are 18 Dunkin Donuts locations visible from Boston Common and the public gardens; and that there is one spot (center of park street, between beacon and Tremont) where you can see 8 different Dunkins if you look in every direction.

And that was 10 years ago.

They first made their massive expansion in New England (they were founded in Quincy Mass, and are headquartered in I think Braintree), then they started spreading out.

Dunkins is planing on having 15,000 stores worldwide by 2015 and 20,000 by 2020; 14,000 of them in North America. They currently have 10,500 stores, 7500 of them in the US (actually less stores than Starbucks, but a great volume of Coffee sales)

When I moved back to Arizona from Ireland in 2003 Dunkin Donuts had JUST started moving in to AZ. There are so many New Englanders down here who were buying DD coffee beans and bringing them back it was ridiculous (this was before they sold it online). Every time you went back to visit family the request all your friends and neighbors had was to bring back bags of coffee (and Wise potato chips, and Ah-So sauce for some reason).

Now there are a half dozen within easy drive of my house.

Oh and I should note, I’ve been writing this while sipping a Dunkin Donuts “Great One” (24oz) hazlenut, light and sweet (one extra half and half, and one extra sugar). It’s what I have instead of breakfast. My body doesn’t like solid food before lunch time usually.

Of course like Tim Hortons, and Starbuks, Dunkins is apart of popular culture; at least in Boston.

There’s a whole ordering language for Dunkins if you’re from New England, but it’s a lot simpler than the “fritalian” bullshit at Starbucks.

What you need to remember is ordering a “regulah” (there are no “r"s at the end of words in New England) will give you a medium (16oz) plain coffee with two tablespoons of half and half and two heaping teaspoons of sugar.

A lahge regulah is a large coffee (20oz) with three half and half, and three sugar.

A “great one” regulah is the largest size (24oz) with 4 half and half, and 4 sugars.

If you order a small (12 oz) you are clearly a communist or a dirty hippy, and shouldn’t be served.

Ordering “light” gets you one extra half and half, “extra light” gets you two. “Sweet” gets you one extra sugar, “extra sweet” gets you two.

One inconsistency is that some stores add one more half and half and one more sugar by default (and give you two and four more for extra) when you order a “great one”.

Ordering “one and one” gives you just one tablespoon of half and half, and one teaspoon of sugar. “Two and Two” likewise.

If you order it “milk” you are supposed to get milk instead of Half and Half, but sometimes they screw that up (actually, most of the time in my experience); and they don’t have full cream.

That's OK though, because the only valid use for Half and Half is in coffee... well and sometimes in dessert making.

I admit, I have been disappointed in the past; because some stores outside of New England don’t teach their staff the “language”. In Boston they don’t have to, because the pissed off customers will make damn sure they get their orders right.

Anyway, aside from the cultural aspect of it, you know what the best part is though?

The price.

A Dunkins "Great One" is about $2 down here (it's a little cheaper in the Northeast where theres more competition). To get the same amount of a coffee drink I can stand from Starbucks (one of their lattes or Mochas, because the coffee is crap), I need to get a 5 shot Venti; which runs about $6.

Oh and for another $0.50 (or is it $0.70.. I dont even remember, but it's cheap) I can make it a coffee and donut combo, with actual donuts that are actually good; unlike Starbucks where I have to pay $3 for a seven berry nonfat scone or some such crap (to be fair, they have decent brownies, they jsut charge out the nose for them). For an extra $2 I can have a coffee and Sandwhich combo, which a respectable (though microwaved) sandwhich.

Can't get that at a Starschmucks.