Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The Better Bumper Sticker... and a bit more

So inspired by Rivrdog today, which do you think would make the better bumper sticker or t-shirt.
The Second Amendment: In case they "forget" the other ones

Or...

The Second Amendment: Defending the other ones since 1791

I had originally written "the other nine", and I still think it sounds better, but it's technically inaccurate since there are 27 amendments; even if most of those not in the bill of rights are essentially procedural in nature, not necessarily related to fundamental rights and liberties...

...Well that, and the fact that I'm fundamentally opposed to:
  • the 15th, 19th, and 24th amendments: Because they were unnecessary.

    Once slavery was made unconstitutional by the 13th amendment, then all citizens who were of age (21 at the time), of all races, sexes, backgrounds, prior conditions of servitude etc... should have automatically and clearly been allowed to vote under the 14th amendment, without any requirement for literacy or taxes.

    Any state laws to the contrary should have been struck down by the supreme court under the 14th amendment (and in fact they have been ever since. The 15th and 19th are generally ignored, and the 24th is usually invoked with dubious justification).

  • the 16th Amendment: Because it establishes a de-facto slavery to the government.

    Some taxes are of course necessary, however taxes on incomes, earnings, wages, and assets are fundamentally theft or slavery.

    Additionally, the 16th amendment was never properly ratified, and was enacted fraudulently; and has since its enactment been enforced fraudulently as well, because it authorizes taxes on income not on wages.

    Income, earnings, and wages are three different things by law and by centuries of precedent, but our government has chosen to treat the 16th amendment as if it authorizes all three. A tax on wages is involuntary servitude without compensation, the very definition of slavery.

  • the 17th amendment: Because it fundamentally unbalanced our system of checks and balances on state and federal power in favor of the federal government.

    The house of representatives was meant to represent the interests of the people as individuals, and the senate was meant to represent the interests of each state. This is why representatives are apportioned by population, but senators are apportioned two per state.

    We were founded as a representative federated republic; and direct election of senators has essentially removed the middle out of those three; much to the detriment of our nation.

  • the 18th and 21st amendments: Because they address an issue that is not properly a matter of law, but of morality. Passing the 18th amendment was against the principles we founded our government on, and should never have happened. The 21st therefore shouldn't have happened either.

    Additionally, the 21st established in law the ability for the states to make their own prohibitions, which shouldn't have been a matter for the federal constitution to address, unless it was to prohibit such state laws to be made.

  • the 22nd amendment: Because term limits are also fundamentally wrong under our system of government.

    If the people are stupid enough to elect a scumbag over and over again; so long as that scumbag hasn't been disqualified by unlawful actions, then they should be able to run as often as they like.

    In engineering (and in the military, which share a similar mindset towards problem solving), this type of law has a saying about it: this is a technical solution to a non-technical problem (also called a hardware solution to a software problem and other variations)

    The problem is that the people are electing people they "shouldn't." The solution is not to make electing those people illegal; it's to educate the electorate better so they won't want to elect people they shouldn't.

  • The 23rd amendment: Because the District of Columbia either IS a state, or it is not; you can't have it half way.

    Giving DC representation in congress, electors in presidential elections, or any kind of position on the national stage is ridiculous. We don't allow New York City to have electors separate from it's state government, why would we allow Washington to do so.

    This is not disenfranchisement, this is clearly a structural issue. A single city should not be given the status of a state in any way. We should either leave DC without representation (including in elections), or we should make it a state, with all the attendant rights and responsibilities of the people within.

  • the 27th amendment: Because it is not a structural issue, which is what the constitution and it's amendments are intended to address.

    Congress has the power to set it's own rules, and it's own policies, procedures, and compensation under article one section six. There is nothing in the constitution which prevents them from changing those rules once established.

    This amendment was essentially grandstanding by politicians saying "see, we're so committed to "good government" and "reform" that we can't vote ourselves a pay raise without an election first".

    I would have no issue with this amendment if it were simply a matter of law and congressional procedure. It should never have been proposed or passed as an amendment.


Man... all that from thinking about bumperstickers.

Sickeningly Cute

Jim brought over his new puppy yesterday for the kids to play with, and to try and get some socialization with other dogs.

This is Harley:



He's a not yet three month old brindle boxer, and english bulldog mix; and you can definitely see it in his face (looks a bit like Churchill there if you ask me).





He's all boxer in the body, long and thin with limbs to match; and he's gonna be a big'un based on his limb length and the size of his paws.

The socialization with the kids went very well... with Mac, not so much.

Mac was fine, and tolerant of Harley to a point. That point is where the puppy started to try to get a bite or paw on his flank or back. Mac was not amused and made it very clear; but the pup kept going. Finally Mac had to snap at him in a serious way to get Harley to back off, and I decided rather than tempt fate with a stupid puppy, I'd put Mac in the back yard.

Through it all, mac was inordinately well behaved. Mac jsut isn't dog agressive unless faced with hostility; or in this case youthful exuberance. As soon as the pup gets a little more dog socialization I'm sure he'll be fine with Mac and vice versa, but until then I'd rather not have the pup provoke Mac into hurting him.

And a great silence covered the land...

... punctuated only by the joyous weeping of parents in their suddenly quiet and mess free houses...

Yes folks, the first day of school is here.

Or at least it is for the schools of the Diocese of Phoenix, where our girls go to school (Amazingly enough, at a 4 million person metro area and 20% catholic population we don't qualify for an archdiocese; we're part of the archdiocese of Santa Fe, population 72 thousand. And yet, there are towns of 30,000 in Italy that have an archbishop, or even a cardinal... Funny that).

In particular, this is our older girls first day of "real" school, she's just starting kindergarten today; and our younger girls first day of any kind of school period, she's starting the two year pre-school program.

Through a quirk of dates and policies; Girl the youngers birthday is a few weeks too late to have let her start pre-school last year while her sister was in pre-kindergarten. She'll be 4 in less than a month; while Girl the older will be six 2/3 the way through her Kindergarten year.

I grew up most of a year younger than all the kids I went to school with because my birthday was a month before the end of the school year; Girl the older will be right in the middle, and Girl the younger will be most of a year older than her schoolmates.

Honestly though, that's not a bad thing. For one thing she's been soaking up noggin, her sisters schooling, and our own efforts at education very well. She's a lot further along with things than most three year olds (or four year olds for that matter); in fact she can even read a lot of basic words and she knows her letters and numbers very well. Plus, she's only recently become consistent enough with her potty training to be able to make it through the day without accidents; and that's kind of important.

Girls the older is herself raring to go to kindergarten, mostly because she gets to wear a UNIFORM YAY!!!! No seriously, I can't describe to you the enthusiasm she has for wearing the uniform. It's a mark of big girl pride.

What's really funny though, is that both girls are REALLY tall (as in 95th percentile tall) for their ages. They look more like a second grader and a kindergartner respectively; and compared to the rest of their class... Well, I hope it doesn't get them teased; but it IS kind of funny to look at all these little tiny 3 year olds, and then there's our girl who looks like she could take them all on in a steel cage match and emerge victorious.

With Girl the older, it's almost as bad; though she at least isn't the tallest in her class, there's actually one girl and one boy taller. Actually the taller boy is kinda freakishly tall; as in 9 year old tall not 5 year old tall.

Anyway, we're really happy the kids are finally both in school. Last year was a bit rough on Girl the younger without her playmate all day; and we're glad to be getting them both into the routine, the discipline, and the GOOD educational experience (rather than the unfortunately typically poor public school experience. Trust me on this one, we couldn't do a better job homeschooling than this school does unless we BOTH made it our full time job. They're one of the best primary schools in the state, and in the top 10% of the nation)

Mel's not quite sure what to do with herself though. She started a flexible hours part time job a couple weeks ago to give her something to do, but she's not really happy with it. She may look for a more traditional mothers hours job (the school has full day kindergarten and preschool, with before and afterschool care and enrichment programs); if for nothing else, just to get the social interaction from people who aren't either kindergarten/preschool parents, parish members, or our existing friends (most of whom were my friends before we met, because most of her old friends no longer live in the area).

Monday, August 13, 2007

Inspiring Tales of Stupidity in the Face of INjury

This morning LawDog posted something making it clear where his priorities lie when it comes to his own bodily injuries, and fishing:
He clamped a gauze pad on the holes, took my hand and said, "Firm pressure here and here until the bleeding stops. Tetanus booster."

"That's it?" I asked.

"Well, and a 'scrip for antibiotics. And some lortab -- your nose is going to be bruised."

"Hell with the lortab, I'll take a tylenol. Direct pressure?"

"Yep."

"Anything mild enough to be treated with pressure means we can still make the lake while the fish are biting. Thanks, doc!"

You know, one wouldn't think that particular statement would generate the sheer number of rolled feminine eyes that it did, but then the distaff side of the species has always been a pleasant mystery to me.

Fishing wasn't bad, either.
That brings me to mind a day in 2002...

I distinctly remember saying to the team doc "If you tape it tight enough, can I stand? Good, then I'm going back in next series".

I'd had small fractures in my left ankle and both little fingers, when I got hit with three guys on one play.

We were against the all Germany champions, and I'd rather badly hurt their star linebacker on multiple plays (he was 235, I was 325 and moving just as fast, do the math). They had their guys gunning for me hard the entire second half, and by the beginning of the fourth quarter they were giving up plays to try and take me out.

I didn't feel it at all that night; but the next six weeks I was walking funny, and my pinkies and ankle have never been right since.

... but we won, and I only missed five plays.

Round Count

One of the questions I'm asked most often about carrying weapons for defense of self and others, is about reloads and backups. Do you carry a reload, do you carry two, do you carry a backup gun...

This question is often followed by "doesn't that make you a paranoid or something?"

One of my favorite sayings, and one that I live by is "It's not whether you're paranoid, it's whether you're paranoid enough".

Yes, I carry a reload, in fact I sometimes carry two. I also carry a backup gun, and a reload for it.

I carry minimum of 10 rounds (5 shot revolver and 1 reload) to a maximum of 50 (BHP with two 18rd magazines, Keltec P3AT with spare mag). I suppose I could carry a third mag (one in the gun and two spares) for the BHP, to bring it up to 68; but I don’t really bother... I mean I have carried that much when I'm open carrying, but I rarely do.

Does that make me paranoid? Maybe. I just hope it makes me paranoid enough.

Oh and I also always carry a knife; a way to deal with screws, small nuts and bolts, and wire (either a multitool, or a keychain tool); a flashlight (actually I usually have two); some cording (550 cord); and a way of making fire. DOes that mkae me paranoid? Again I say I hope it makes me paranoid enough.

Often the question is then asked (usually by old revolver men), "If you can't do it with six, you're in more trouble than you can handle with a handgun anyway, so why bother?"

Well, they're right about one thing, if you can't stop a single threat with six rounds, you've got big problems; but I don't carry all that so I'll have more lead to send downrange at one target. The first threat is always that of multiple assailants; especially in an urban environment. More ammo gives you more flexibility in your response here; and that's important.

But that's not primarily why I carry reloads and a backup.

When it comes to defending my life, and the lives of others, I follow the dictum “two is one, one is none”. As far as I’m concerned, when I've got my Colt Defender (7+1 and 7) and my P3AT (6+1 and 6) with reloads (which is my most frequent carry rig); the total round count may be 28, but I’ve only got 15 rounds there that I can count on.

My biggest concerns are malfunctions and environmental loss.

I carry a backup magazine because the smartest way to clear a malfunction is with a fresh mag. Most automatic pistol malfunctions are caused by either bad ammunition or bad magazines. When you have a serious stoppage malfunction, the best thing you can do to resolve it is clear the weapon of any potentially defective ammunition and magazine, and reload with a fresh, known good mag and ammo.

I carry a backup gun because clearing malfunctions is slower than grabbing another gun; and also because it isn’t hard to end up with a gun lost to the environment in the exigencies of a fight.

If you end up having to clear a vehicle or a door frame quickly, or if you god forbid fall down some stairs or the median or embankment of a road (and I’ve had all of the above happen while in potentially threatening situations), it isn’t hard to end up without your sidearm, or with it out of the action (I’ve never had the first happen, but I have had the second happen).

If you're out in the woods, it's very easy to end up slipping in the creek, or sliding down the hillside; and suddenly you are without your most effective external self defense tool (actually, the only time I like pistol lanyards is when you're out hiking or boating).

I also carry a backup gun, because it is important to establish the unbreakable routine of carrying. You can't win a gun fight if you don't have a gun, so make sure you have a gun.

My backup gun goes into my pocket the minute I pick out my pants in the morning, and doesn’t come out until those pants go into the laundry.

My backup guns are generally a Kel-Tec P3AT or a KelTec PF9; but I sometimes use an SP101 (I’d use a 340pd if I had one. I keep meaning to buy one). 6+1 rounds each for the first two, 5 for the third, and I ALWAYS have a reload for my backup guns.

The reloads are small and light; and by rule of karma and Murphy, if not necessarily engineering (though often backup guns ARE somewhat less reliable than larger carry pieces), backup guns are the ones most likely to malfunction when you desperately need them. Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

My primary carry guns are a Yost custom Colt Defender in .45, a Yost custom Springfield Champion, or the Hank Fleming full custom 10mm full size govt that was a gift from the Nation of Riflemen. Those 1911s hold 7+1, 8+1, and 9+1 rounds respectively, with the magazines I carry. I usually carry a reload for each of those as well; but with the backup, I don’t always bother. If I’m feeling froggy I may have two reloads, but I usually don’t bother; unless I'm heading out into the woods (where I'm likely to be carrying a large revolver instead by the way).

So a typical load for me is as I said above 6+1 and 6 for the P3AT, and 7+1 plus 7 for the Defender. That’s 28rds.

Less commonly I’ll carry an HK USP compact (8+1 and 8) or the FM Detective (cut down BHP) with KRD extended mags (which actually work great, at 18+1 and 18).

Of those, the only gun with more than 10 rounds capacity in it is the BHP; and I chose the KRD mags not because they offer more capacity, but because they are completely reliable, and they are easier to grab and seat (because they have an integral bumper pad base plate) quickly. Standard BHP mags are harder to handle quickly; and are especially difficult to strip if they jam in the magwell.

As to how much it weighs and how bulky it is? Honestly I don’t even notice it… ‘cept the 10mm, since it’s about 44oz loaded; but it’s an open carry only gun for me anyway, I’m not worried about concealing it. The rest I’m so used to, they aren’t even there anymore.

Because honestly, when it comes to defending your life, do those few ounces bother you all that much?

Friday, August 10, 2007

Go See Stardust RIGHT NOW

I'm not going to even try and write a full review because I don't want to ruin any moment of it for you. Let me just say that this is the best movie I've seen in years.

Neil Gaiman is a frikken genius; and the performances in the movie are utterly brilliant.

Oh and they're even funnier if you're a fan of British comedy.

The movie is just about perfect... the only way it could possibly have been better is if there were more of it.

There hasn't been a better fantasy movie since "The Princess Bride" (which is the best live action fantasy of all time, and my favorite movie), and this is nearly as good (though not nearly as quotable).

Go, see it this weekend so it gets huge buzz and ensures that everything Gaimans ever done gets made into a movie.

Hey now, he forgot about New Hampshire

The New Inquisition

This is just too funny for words:

http://www.dailytech.com/Blogger+Finds+Y2K+Bug+in+NASA+Climate+Data/article8383.htm

I say again, the concept of catastrophic anthropogenic climate change, except in the case of localized micro-climates, holds absolutely no scientific water.

Honest scientists will tell you the same thing if pressed (and if their funding doesn’t depend on it), but the agenda politics of todays science (admittedly on both sides of the political spectrum, but generally on different subjects), prevents real, honest, science from occurring anymore; or from being reported if and when it is (the record of suppressing science which disproves catastrophic anthropogenic climate change is long and shameless at this point).

The mere language used by catastrophists against those who seek to use actual science rather than sociopolitical ideological faith, calling us "deniers" in an attempt to paint an equivalence with holocaust deniers, should make it clear that their concern is not truth.

The honest numbers are simple.

Global temperatures have risen an average of less than 1 degree centigrade since measurements started being taken ("adjusted measurements", which have been conclusively proven to be inaccurate and possibly deliberately manipulated say it may be as much as 1.8 degrees, but that is the absolute maximum).

There is no “sudden and precipitous increase”. There is no hockey stick. It was a lie, and even many of the climate change people have admitted it. The ice caps aren’t melting, in fact in most areas they are thickening slightly. The sea level isn’t rising any more than it would have naturally.

Oh and in case you didn't know... Polar bears are excellent swimmers.

More damning to the catastrophists faith; even by their own admission, there has been NO rise (and there may in fact have been a slight decline) in global average temperatures, SINCE 1996.

Since temperature recordings have begun, volcanic eruptions have put more carbon into the atmosphere, and caused more temperature change, than all of human industry and activity since the beginning of the human race; but it wasn’t by increasing temperatures with carbon, it was by decreasing them with dust in the air... much of which was in fact carbon particulates.

The world has been far colder than today at times when there was far more carbon in the atmosphere; even without more dust. The world has been far warmer than today with far less carbon in the air, even WITH more dust.

The amount of anthropogenic carbon dioxide and carbon particulates in the atmosphere are FAR less than one half of one percent of total carbon dioxide, and far less than one half of one percent of total carbon particulates (the vast majority of CO2 is released by soil, rotting vegetation, oceanic microorganisms, and seafloor offgassing. The vast majority of particulates, are released by forest fires, and volcanic activity ). Considering how small a percentage of our atmospheric carbon and carbon compounds (between 0.03 and 0.06 percent. Not between 3% and 6%, 3 one hundredths of a percent), that amount is completely insignificant to global climate change.

This is not to say they don't effect local microclimates, they certainly do. But in those local microclimates, these concentrations are literally hundreds to thousands of times higher.

These levels of anthropogenic CO2 in the atmosphere are not a temperature driver, or a climate forcing.

In fact, historical records show that overall CO2 levels (which, remember, human inputs make up only a tiny fraction of) TRAIL global climate change by anywhere from a few hundred years, to a few thousand.

All currently existing GLOBAL climate change can be fully and scientifically explained by natural endothermic cycles (atmospheric oceanic interaction combined with volcanic and other geothermal activity, and large particulate emissions such as forest fires, plus natural greenhouse component and other climate forcing component emissions), and the fluctuation in output of the sun (because earth is an exothermic system). The suns output has varied greatly over the course of human history (and of course long before), and periods of warming and cooling have tracked right along with that output.

Models using average sunspot activity as an indicator of solar thermal forcing, have proven to be accurate within a few percentage points at predicting historical temperatures.

Some models (those used by catastrophists) predict that there may be FUTURE global climate change based on a theory that human generated carbon inputs, even though they are far lower than historical levels which did NOT cause these things to happen, will somehow cause the entire climate system to change the way it has always functioned.

These models are ridiculous on their face. The way you test a model is to run if forwards and backwards without adjustment, and see if it can accurately predict what actually happened in the past, using the data from further back in the past; then verifying against actual future results over time.

None of the models that predict significant global climate change due to human carbon inputs, come anywhere close to predicting the historical record.

They always consistently overestimate warming by SEVERAL HUNDRED PERCENT, as in estimating 4 to 8 times the actual warming.

And NONE of them came anywhere close to predicting the variability of the historical record, always showing a consistent warming trend over time, even for CENTURIES that had a significant cooling trend.

The models were not made to predict the actual climate... they were specifically made to predict massive warming,  no matter the input. And that's what they do, as non-catastrophists have proven, running data which any rational model should predict steady or cooling temperatures through the models... and they STILL predicted significant warming.

I leave it up to you to decide whether the models were just designed badly, or whether the distortion was intentional. Either way, these models cannot be trusted, and decisions should certainly not be made based on them.

The climate IS changing, and has since the moment the earth formed a climate. As near as we can tell (through ice core samples and the like) there has never been a period of more than 200 years without at least a 1 degree change in global average temperatures.

The climate will continue to change on its own; and no normal human activity will change global climate significantly one way or the other… unless it’s something that actually would kill us all (which would by definition not be normal... Incredibly massive particulate pollution over a high percentage of the earths surface - including the oceans - would do it. It would initially trigger warming from trapped thermal radiation, followed by extremely rapid cooling from blocking out the sun, and then a sudden ice age; and likely kill all crops and food animals in the process, along with at least 80% of humanity in the first two years, if not more, and ultimately followed by mass global extinction).

That isn’t to say we shouldn’t attempt to develop better sources of energy, we should. We aren’t going to “run out” of oil... ever in fact; a basic understanding of economics would show that. But, hydrocarbon fuels are eventually going to get more and more expensive as time goes on, and hydrocarbon fueled combustion engines are relatively inefficient, and do contribute significantly to micro climate pollution.

In many ways, doing things greener IS in fact better. Saving energy is generally a very good thing. Not polluting is generally a good thing. When it isn’t, is when it destroys economies, prevents job growth, reduces food production, increases food prices, and all the other ways that forced greenism (I won’t even call it environmentalism, because it isn’t doing the environment much good), causes pain, suffering, misery, and general reductions in peoples health, quality of life, standard of living, and basic liberties.

“Climate change” isn’t about the environment... It’s about giving financial and political control to anti-western, anti-capitalists.... Or just the cynical opportunists who would use peoples good intentions and fears to increase their own power.

It’s about punishing those rich capitalist nations and people, for not being poor socialists... Or just for "not doing things the RIGHT way".... whatever that particular person or group happens to think the "right" way is.

It isn’t science, it’s a pseudo-scientific sociopolitical ideological movement, and near religion. The adherents don’t need any proof, because they have faith; and any who challenge that faith must be burned as heretics in their new inquisition.

Sometimes, I love the Internet

Laser Flashlight Hack!!
Turn a MiniMag flashlight into a powerful DVD laser pointer! This 245mw laser is powerufl and fits real cozy in a MiniMag! See the video at the end for the Test Results!

Disclaimer: CAUTION! As you know...lasers can be dangerous. Never point them at any living object!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Further Proof that People are F@*%ed Up

So I'm looking through my various logs, and I notice there are a lot of patterns in my traffic. All sorts of things, like for example about 1/3 my hits are from search engines and link aggregators, about 1/3 are from bookmarks or RSS feeds, and about1/3 are links from other content providers (blogs and other web pages), with a small percentage coming from emailed links.

Good stuff to know really.

What gets me though, are the search words. Some of them make sense. My top three search terms (not actually including my name or the word Anarchangel) are

1. Battle Rifle
2. Bullpup Rifle
3. Infidel

OK, I get that; I've written a fair bit about those topics.

My fourth most popular search term however is the one that bugs me.

"Young boys penis"

See, a couple years ago I did a post which featured a reductio ad absurdium of gun control called "Sensible Penis Control" wherein I used the example of a pedophile who couldn't stop touching young boys, because his penis compelled him to.

Sometimes I get over 100 hits per day from people looking for young boys penises; and it's never less than 20 or so.

Of course this post is just going to increase that number, considering the number of times I've mentioned young boys penises... and that it's likely a lot of my fellow bloggers with a similar sense of right and wrong as mine will widely link this one.

Now, for all of you who have come here from a Google search for young boys penises, I have a message:

I've got your IP addresses, access times, and technical data about your computers that you can't easily fake or change.

The net CAN be "anonymous" if you know what you're doing, and re-route things round in circles etc... but those "evidence eliminator" programs ,most of y'all use thinking they'll protect you? Yeah those don't work. Hell, using google earth, I can sometimes even find pictures of your houses.

I also have friends in the FBIs anti-child porn taskforce, and the center for missing and exploited children. See, I actively hunt down child pornographers, collect evidence on them, and report them to the FBI; and have for years.

Have fun in prison. They just LOVE shorteyes in Lewisburg.

Bad Pizza

I grew up in Boston, and I grew up loving great pizza.

Some people will tell you there's no such thing as a bad pizza... those people are horribly mistaken. As I've mentioned before, there are only four or five cities in America where you can consistently get a good pizza delivered: Boston, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, and St. Louis.

Unfortunately, I live in Scottsdale. Note: not one of the cities above

For several years I lived in a neighborhood where there were eight pizza places who would deliver to me, and all of them sucked. There are a couple of half decent pizza places in the area (NYPD pizza for example), but they're all miles away, and most of them don't deliver at all, never mind into my neighborhood.

When we moved in to the new place two years ago though, we discovered that there was a half decent pizza joint just a couple miles down the road. It's not perfect, their crust is a little bit biscuity and their cheese isn't 100%; but it's pretty darn good.

Unfortunately, they're closed on Sundays (no pizza during football), and they don't deliver 'til 5pm; but other than they they're excellent. Fast delivery, good toppings reasonable price.. a real winner.

So anyway, I needed some lunch, didn't have time between meetings to make it myself (absolutely crushed today), Mels out running errands, and my favorite pizza place doesn't deliver til 5pm. There aren't any local sub shops (something else I miss from Boston), and I've had too much Chinese lately.

Which leaves me with chain pizza... ugh. Ok, there area few small regional chains that are half decent, and who deliver; but none of them are around here, and god big chain pizza is awful.

For big chains delivery in my neighborhood, we've got Little Caesars, Dominos, Papa Johns and Pizza Hut. Oh and Hungry Howies, which is a regional chain; but I wont eat their pizza on a bet.

Now, normally if I have to do chain pizza I go with Pizza Hut, and I just get their wing street wings and deep fried apple pies (which are really tasty). Unfortunately my local Pizza Slut doesn't DO wing street; they just have the crappy baked wings. There is a wng street thats actually closer to us than our "hometown pizza hut, but the computer dispatch system will not let us order from them for delivery (evil corporate bastards... I really like those fried pies).

Of them all I would generally pick Pizza Hut pizza as well... but it's sort of a choice between a sharp poke in the eye, and a bee sting if you know what I mean.

Papa johns would be edible if their sauce didn't taste like raw tomatoes blended together with maple syrup (which, amazingly enough is why so many people like it. Lots of people like Hillary Duff too).

The worst of the is clearly Little Caesars... I would hesitate to even call it pizza, it's more processed cheez fud on soggy cardboard with red sugarwater in between. The only reason they still exist is because they do things like sell a large cheese pizza for $5.00

Of course only slightly less disgusting is Dominos; they of the undercooked bread dough crust, and margarine mixed with hot glue "cheese".

Worse, they don't even have the "we're cheap" fallback, because they are by far the most expensive of the chains if they aren't running a sale or giving you a coupon. Thankfully they are ALWAYS running a sale or giving you a coupon; in fact if you call them up or order online and don't HAVE a coupon, or order a special sale price, they'll suggest one for you to use (no, seriously, they do)... which is good because they'd never sell another "pizza" again otherwise.

Yeah, my options were thin on the ground... BUT...

Dominos has been advertising the new "Brooklyn style" pizza, which supposedly has a real crust, and real cheese; and of course they are spamming the world with coupons "get one sausage or pepperoni Brooklyn or $10". Of course it won't be anything LIKE a real New York pizza, but hey, for $10, I figure, what the hell, why not.

Yeah I know, I deserve whatever I get.

The verdict?

I can now say, unequivocally, that this is the best pizza that Dominos has ever made...

And it's still pretty bad.... but it's not disgusting or horrible as it normally is.

The crust is in fact, almost like a real pizza crust. It's tantalizingly close to being good. It drapes and folds the right way, and it's chewy without being soggy... it's just not quite chewy enough, and it doesn't have that edge of crispness that good pizza crust needs. If the cheese and sauce were very good, they could have made up for slightly deficient crust to make this an actual good pizza.

The cheese tastes far better than Dominos standard pizza cheese. Instead of margarine mixed with hot glue; it's like margarine mixed with play-do.

The sauce... yeah, let's not even think about that.

Now, I'll wait a couple hours and try the reheat test. Sometimes not very good pizza is actually better re-heated; but Dominos is usually so bad reheated as to be inedible.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

You might as well face it

Inside Baseball

That's an interesting expression. When I first heard it I didn't care for it; because it is obscure to someone not knowledgeable about the American cultural idiom, as well as the internal politics of organizations.

...But, for someone who IS familiar with those things, it's a very useful and apt expression.

Wikipedia defines it as : "a colloquial term in American English referring to "behind-the-scenes" conversations or dialog that the average member of the public would have no way of being privy to."

The expression comes from Bill James, the "inventor" of sabermetrics (or more accurately SABR, for the Society for American Baseball Research); a system for objectively analyzing the performance of baseball players and teams using statistical techniques.

"Outside baseball" are those statistical measures that everyone can see, and which are based solely on objective reality. Inside baseball is those things that go on behind the scenes, and that no-one can see or measure who isn't "inside".

Sabermetrics has come to dominate the management of the sport of baseball, as well as minds of it's fans (especially those into fantasy leagues and sports betting); and the results are clear. Teams (and individuals) with a good grasp of the metrics outperform those that manage by the gut, by at least 20%; even when normalized for all other known factors.

Over the past 30 years it has become very clear that the principles of sabermetrics apply to a lot more than just baseball; they are a method of complex systems interaction analysis.

It just so happens that what I do is complex systems interaction analysis. I'm a systems and security consultant, but whether I'm working on physical security, information security, IT systems, or most anything else I do; my job is all about understanding complex systems, and how to architect, design, build, manage, maintain, and sometimes destroy them.

There's a problem with systems though... , the more inside baseball that goes on; the less one can analyze and predict the actions of systems based on measurable objective factors. Inside baseball breaks the system, unless you can account for it; and even if you have knowledge of the non-objective factors it can be incredibly difficult to compensate for them, because they are just that: not objective.

So, let's talk inside baseball... and let's talk about what it is I do, and have been doing for the past two years for the job I currently hold.

My official title is Sr. Architect. My function is as chief architect for one of the 4 major and 4 minor lines of business, for one of the largest banks in the world.

Each line of business has a chief architect, I am one of those 8 chief architects. There is no architecture position above ours, each LOB is it's own "kingdom" as it were. We do also have an enterprise architecture group however, which helps to set standards and develop technologies that bridge across all the lines of business. We work closely in concert with this group to ensure that the needs of each LOB are represented and met in these polices, which we co-author, evaluate, and approve.

As chief architect, I am responsible for designing, building, and implementing all of the systems, technologies, policies, and processes that go into the technological and information operations for my line of business.

Even more fun, the LOB I happen to be the chief architect for, is not a revenue generating LOB; it's one of the two "headquarters" lines of business as it were. One of the HQ LOBs does corporate operations like payroll, accounting, HR etc..., and the other, the one I'm chief architect for, manages all of the information management and business services infrastructure for the entire bank. So if theres a system that other lines of business depend on, like enterprise information mansgement, storage, data warehouse, security etc... or an enterprise wide system for anything like that... yeah, that's what I'm chief architect for.

As of our next re-org (which should be shortly. It's in final planning stages right now), I report to a group director; who is basically a senior vice president level. The group director reports to one of the CIOs (there are four), who report to the COO, and then of course to the CEO. The last re-org last year added one more layer to that, but when I started the reporting chain looked like this as well. Anyway, there are three guys between me and the CEO (or five guys in my chain, including me and the CEO).

I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying to paint a picture of the organization (the "inside baseball" stuff) so that you can understand what's going on.

Now, so far that all seems relatively complex, but clear. It isn't.

In theory there ar eclear lines of command, responsiblity, and priority; and clear lines of incentive. In reality, everything below the CIO level is "matrixed", meaning that everyone works on multiple teams which may have different goals and priorities. You may work for one guy, but do all of your work for another guy who doesnt evaluate your or effect your compensation, and can't order you to do anything.

The system seems almost deliberately designed to AVOID explicit responsibility or accountability; as well as to prevent innovation or dynamism... in fact I honestly believe it was. The "matrix" structure is designed to ensure that no-one ever gets blamed for anything because there's always fingers to point etc... etc...

So, I've got a very important high level position. I report directly to a sr. vice president level manager, and I have absolute yes or no authority over hundreds of millions of dollars worth of architecture, only overridable by one of the CIOs or the COO.

I don't own projects however. Each project is initiated and owned by the business group that sponsored it, and is paying for it. THey sign off on all work, pay all invoices etc... It's their money, they have to sign to spend it, and they have to sign off on the goods and services they receive.

Now, I need to ensure that all the projects we perform meet enterprise, line of business, and datacenter standards; and are aligned with enterprise and LOB architectural policies and direction. As part of this responsibility, I review all projects for the line of business above the $15,000 level, or all projects that have an architectural or enterprise impact of medium or higher.

This review can sometimes be very in depth and comprehensive and take weeks, or it can be done in a few minutes over the phone. Every project is different. I see projects ranging from upgrading the RAM and OS on a few blades, to the implementation of hundreds of clustered servers costing millions of dollars.

Often, the business cases and requirements I receive are unclear, and I work with our partners (that's what we call the business stakeholders) to clarify and document their business need. Very frequently there is a clearly understood bsuniess need, but not a clearly nuderstood technological need; and I work with the aplication owners to help architect, design, and implement appropriate solutions to these business needs.

On the toher side of things, the partner bust sign off on the designs we create for them; and they must approve the status of the proejct and the actions to occur in the enxt steps at each point in the process.

In this process I work with project do-ordinators and engineers from the various departments (software architecture, software engineering, database management, hardware engineering, hardware integration, capacity planning, network engineering, datacenter management, security, disaster recovery and business continuance). Each project will have either the business owner, or a co-ordinator representing the business owners (may be a co-ordinator, may be a project manager, may be an engineer or manager depending on the needs, and size of the project), and a dedicated co-ordinator from the line of business itself; to help manage and represent these groups administratively. My role as architect is to make sure all the needs technical, procedural, and policy needs are met.

Confused yet? Well I've only covered 1/3 of my job (the other two thirds have to do with developing technologies and systems; and developing policies and procedures); but it's the third thats relevant to our discussion today.

It really is all somewhat unnecessarily complicated. As with the matrix organizations, this structure is something of a jobs and job security program for a lot of the people involved. In many circumstances we could cut the number of people who "handle" a project in half (or in some cases much more).

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have both a strategic responsibility, and the organizational authority to ensure that all projects meet architectural standards and are designed and built appropriately. The partners have the money, and the signature authority over it at each stage.

Now, most of the time this whole thing (miraculously enough) works; slowly, but smoothly and appropriately. If the partner doesnt know what they need, we can steer them in the right direction, and help them build the appropriate solutoion. If they DO know what they need, we can work it into the architecture or make changes necessary to work it in... or even sometimes change the policies and processes to accomodate the partner when it's appropriate.

Most of the time.

I've got a "problem customer" as it were. I've mentioned him before, and the problem is the same basic issue we've had all along, but it has accelerated and expanded in scope.

Basicallly the issue is this: 18 months ago, he settled on a particular architecture and a particular type of machine; and signed support and procurement contracts outside of our normal enterprise agreements to meet the needs of this architecture and infrastructure.

Ok... not great, and he did it against recommendation; but it's something we can accommodate.

One thing we did specifically warn him about though, was that the platform he selected had a very specific limitation. It has a very limited maximum I/O throughput. This limit is just high enough that in a "normal" configuration it isn't an issue, but we warned him that if either his systems were to become more heavily loaded, or if he tried to expand the functionality on those systems that he would run into issues.

Well, for the past several months he has been trying to do more with these boxes than they were designed to do; and we HAVE been running into these issues, as he was warned about. Not only that, but he keeps adding more and more demands of hardware that has reached it's maximum limit.

We have been telling him since march that the boxes he's building can't support the load and functionality he wants to put on them. We have four hardware projects that were started back then, and in all four cases he asked for more interface cards than could actually fit in the boxes, never mind have the bandwidth for. In each case we informed him of this and scaled back his requests to a more reasonable level.

So far, he has taken each of these projects to just before the build stage, then requested last minute changes, asking for MORE than even the original configuration we rejected. In fact, he's done it to each of these four projects at least twice.

He's jsutifying this by saying that because he's logically partitioning the boxes, he doesn't have to provision more hardware (which can be true to an extent, but not to the extent that he wants here); and that because he isn't concerned about performance or availability, only in cramming as much stuff onto as few systems as possible, that he is will to accept this tradeoff and build the system as he's asking for.

Only we won't do that. What he's asking for is to split each system 8 ways, when they should only be split in two. It's POSSIBLE to split 8 ways, but it's jsut a bad idea. He's also tyring to fit four different functions on two systems which will mirror each other; saying that because the machines are partitioned this is sufficient. This is simply not acceptable; because we need to maintain a physical separation of at least two of these functions for disaster recovery and bsuiness continuation purposes.

Basically it doesn't matter if he ways he doesn't need any of that; we simply will not build or support systems that don't meet at least minimum standards.

We have told him that either he has three options:

1. Increase the capacity of the hardware he purchases (buy a bigger box that can handle everything he wants)

2. Buy more boxes, and split the load across them (somethign that is very easy to do)

3. Simply do less with the boxes

Each time I tell him this, he comes back with a design that does just as much with just as little; only rearranging the configuration a bit. Each time I send him back with the same message "these are our options".

He simply will not take the reality of the situation as an answer. He wants me to bend spacetime to fit more stuff onto a medium sized box than can possibly fit. Even if it did, and there were no performance issues, it would be completely against policies, and not aligned with architectural direction.

If I let him do this, not only would I be derelict in my duties as chief architect; but he would be very unhappy, because soon after installation, his boxes would fail spectacularly.

I delivered my final notice to him yesterday. He can do one of the three things I mentioned or I'm simply going to downcheck the projects. Not only that, but I'm not the only one who's told him this. Hardware engineering, hardware integration, and the datacenter guys have all told him the same thing... but he keeps re-arranging the colors on his visio diagrams as if that would make use suddenly see the light ad change our minds.

So, today, he's going to try and go to the CIO and get him to override us; which he very well may do. Generally speaking the CIOs allow the business owners to do so, because it's their money and if they want to be idiots, it's their responsibility.

If they go ahead and proceed with the override, then I'll write it up as not aligned with enterprise architecture or policy, and recommend against implementing it; as will the other teams I mentioned. This triggers a lot of unpleasant things should they go forward.

At that point he's going to have to go outside of normal purchasing channels, conduct the negotiations himself before forwarding them to contracts, get the vendor to build and install it (because our guys won't touch anything I don't approve), pay the datacenter to host it in racks and give it power and cooling, and then pay for a separate support contract from the vendor for the systems.

All in all, it's going to cost him about double to go ahead and do this. Choosing one of the options I presented him would cost 25% to 35% more.; and it will be less reliable, and less maintainable as a result.

Today, I on the other hand am going to short circuit him.

I'm having lunch with the vendor rep; a man I have an important relationship with (I get a lot of insider info, and free steaks from system vendors, because my yes or no means millions of dollars a year to their companies) . At that lunch I'm going to tell the him that if he sells my business partner (lord I hate calling them that) the boxes, services, and support, against our architectural and policy recommendations; that he can forget about selling any other boxes to anyone in our line of business for the next year.

And that my friends, is inside baseball.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Didn't finish any blog posts today

I've got I think 8 posts on the back burner waiting for me to finish them (maybe more... I've been lazy lately); but I didn't manage to finish any today, because I was writing my application for this:



Who Wants to Write for Toolmonger?

We’re on the prowl for bloggers who have a passion for tools and all things Toolmonger. If you’ve got what it takes to join the Toolmonger team, drop us a line at jobs (at) toolmonger.com with the subject line “Toolmonger Writer Search.” In the body give us your name, your three favorite tools, and two original, unpublished posts of around 50 to 200 words in the Toolmonger style.

A few notes: We’ll delete all emails with attachments, so include all your text in the email body itself. Not the world’s best writer? If you’re the world’s best tool finder, we might be able to help. Our biggest requirements are that you’re interested and that you’re committed.

Good luck!


SO of course it being me, my submission started out at 400 words; even though I was trying to write it short. I ended up mercilessly slashing it down to 200, and sending them a few linked samples for good measure.

Honestly, I'd really love to do this. I love tools, I love woodworking, metalworking, and gunsmithing... and I love toolmonger (it's my favorite linky blog - as opposed to writing/essay/rant oriented blogs).

Besides, they NEED someone to write some longer material. Basic howtos, hacks and substitutions, longer reviews etc... instead of doing quite so much linking. I'd also appreciate reading something from the perspective of someone who isn't a complete beginner, but who isn't a professional contractor either (as both the Toolmonger guys are)

I have no idea what the gig pays, or if it pays anything at all for that matter; or what exactly they are looking for. Let's see if I get the gig before I start thinking about that.

Monday, August 06, 2007

On Earth?

Thank you for providing me with this webfodder, anonymous user from Middletown Delaware.

You sir (or madam) are an idiot. The gram is a measure of mass, which on earth is generally equivalent to weight. A gram of cocaine weighs a gram.

Oh and if I needed any further proof, you are running Internet Explorer 6, on WindowsME, at 800 x 600 and 16bit color.

If your computer is capable of running WinME (though gods knows why you would), it's capable of running at the very least, 1024x768 at 24 bit (and most likely more). In fact any computer built after 1996 should be able to do so; except a few of the ultralight (and ultra expensive) laptops with 10-12" screens (that use 800x600 because you can't really SEE text at 1024x768 on a 10" screen).

So, why is it at 800x600? Because that's the default screen resolution for most video drivers that display at xVGA and above (640x480 used to be the default, but they changed it around the time WinME came out).

I can't tell you the number of computers over the years that I have showed up at to fix something; only to find they were set at 800x600 (or 640x480), and 16 colors, with HIDEOUS eyestraining flicker caused by the monitor being set to 60hz (the default refresh rate).

I change the screen to 1024x768 at 24bit and 75hz and the users look at me like I'm some kind of mysterious god; who upgraded their computer through my magic typing fingers... Simply ecause they never learned, and no-one ever bothered to teach them, that you could CHANGE that setting.

For several years Microsoft was wondering why common user reports said the screen looked awful, when they had spent so much time and effort on pretty themes, and the users screens were getting bigger, and more capable.

Well, it turns out that literally millions of users , whose installs from the manufacturer had failed and been reinstalled, or whose OEMs hadnt set the drivers properly, were running at 800x600 and 16 bit. When the uesers were all on 14" viewable and even 17" viewable crts, this was at least livable; but as the 15" and 17" LVD panels became popular (which have a larger viewable area and higher native resolution), users screens looked like overcrowded jigsaw puzzles.

For WINXP they included an automatic detection feature that checks to see if your resolution and color depth are set to "the optimum level for your hardware".

Now, just from looking at the log entry, I can tell that the computer hasn't been updated at all since about 2001.

Javascript 1.3 was released in 1997, and it's follow-on 1.5 was released in 1999. Internet explorer 6; which was as far as Windows ME would have gone on its initial update; was released in 2001.

Now, the OEM build of the computer would have updated once the first time they connected to the internet after turning the computer on; but automatic updates were never a part of WinME (the automatic update service came in for WIN2K and XP). If it had been updated after that, it would be running I.E. 6.x other than 0; and it would be running a more recent version of Javascript.

Actually, I'm amazed the thing has survived six years on the internet in it's unpatched condition. It must be so loaded up with spyware and crap by now... He'll it's probably completely compromised and spreading infection at a ridiculous rate.

Normally I only see such stupidity in offices populated with middle aged women and no IT staff, at libraries, sometimes at grandmas houses (usually they have a nice grandchild who gets irritated when trying to IM their friends from grandmas computer and fixes it)... and very occasionally in industrial environment like warehouses, airports etc...; because those are the only environments where people will put up with it.

Why those groups?

Well, in libraries, people expect the computers to suck; and they don't have a stake in how good or bad they look.

In the industrial environment it's almost invariably because the computer is used by near completely computer illiterate people, who have been shown how to use one single application that hasn't changed in a decade... and they wouldn't know how to deal with it if it did.

In the offices, middle aged women without computer experience are generally afraid of making a fuss, or looking stupid by complaining. As a result, they will put up with an inordinate amount of stupidity to "go along to get along".

...This seems to only be true of middle aged women by the way. Men, for the most part, are more willing to disturb other people to get things fixed. Younger women generally aren't as worried about other people thinking they are dumb for asking to have things fixed; or as worried about disturbing others. Older women generally can't use the systems at all unless their physical limitations (usually poor vision and arthritis) are compensated for, which means no 800x600 at 16bit (low contrast and jaggy, blurry edges make things difficult to read and select).

Basically though, what it comes down to is that the technically incompetent and/or technophobic are disturbed greatly by changes in the environment they either fear or do not understand; and will do anything they can to memorize things so they can get it to work, and NEVER under any circumstances change ANYTHING (which would destroy the mental map they worked so hard to create).

Which reminds me, I really need to do a post on engineering, design, and the "Fair Ellen" problem...

It's important to note, I haven't said the users are stupid; I've said they are putting up with stupidity when they shouldn't be. The users aren't stupid, (well, they may be, but they may be geniuses as well) this has nothing to do with their intelligence; and everything to do with their experiences, and reactions and adaptations to those experiences, which are the crux of the "fair Ellen" problem.

Anyway, somehow, I don't think this person is any of those things. I'm going to go with druggie idiot here.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Gunthing.com temporarily down

To all the readers of theothersideofkim.com, gunthing.com, mrsdutoit.com, and nationofriflemen.com since I know you'll likely be checking in here; there has been a temporary outage at our hosting provider.

They are working on the problem now, and will likely be up within the hour; however if they are not it's because they are going to have to restore from backups, and the sites will be down until tomorrow morning. In this even there may be some short term data loss as well.

UPDATE: We're good to go

A brief history of Saturday Night Live

I was originally just going to leave the quick hit comment below; but honestly, let's take a look at the history of SNL for a minute here.

First, to stave off the comments, the seasons 75-78/79 were unquestionably the best. No-one could ever beat Chase, Murray (who replaced Chase), Akroyd, Belushi, Radner, and Curtin (Newman and Morris.. eh, kinda tokens honestly). The writing, headed by Michael O'Donoghue was the best the show would ever see... minus a few of the obviously more pharmaceutically inspired pieces of course.

From 79/80-85/86... those years are best left unremembered; the only bright spot being Eddy Murphy.

Let me also say a special Fuck You to Jean Doumanian (and Fred Silverman for being the cause of those years general suckitude.

Doumanian was a "talent scout" who somehow got stuck in as producer after basically everyone quit when Fred Silverman wouldn't let Lorne Michaels recast the show and find some good writers. She wouldn't let Harry Shearer be the head writer (he left and co-wrote Spinal Tap the next year), and refused to hire Eddie Murphy (she later changed her mind) , Dana Carvey, Jim Carrey and Paul Reubens (pee Wee Herman); giving us instead Joe Piscopo, Charles Rocket, and Gilbert Godfried.

Fred Silverman was the VP of programming for NBC, who fired almost everybody who hadn't quit already, and who gave the show to Doumanian. He HATED SNL because they were constantly making fun of him for picking bad shows, and making bad decisions, generally running NBC into the ground (which was true by the way).

At the end of the 80/81 season they fired Doumanian and brought on Dick Ebersol, who'd actually created SNL in '74; and who was responsible for hiring Lorne Michaels in the first place

...Well, he tried. He fired all the cast and writers from 80/81 except Murphy and Piscopo; and he tried to hire John Candy and Catherine O'Hara (who would have been amazing). Basically from 81/82 to 83/84, it became the Eddie Murphy and Joe Picopo show... and anything starring Murphy was pretty god, but the rest of the show... frankly sucked; and Murphy left at the end of the 83/84 season.

The 83/84 season marks the time when I actually started watching SNL live on an occasional basis by the way; but I've seen most of what came before as re-runs on cable, and on video.

For 84/85, Ebersol fired half the cast and all the writers, and brought on Christopher Guest and Harry Shearer as both writers and performers (they wer efresh off the cult success of Spinal Tap). THey also brought in two name comedians, Billy Crystal and Martin Short; who were brought on to replace Murphy and Piscopo. Again,SNL became a two man show. Crystal and Short were brilliant, everything else sucked, except the occasional weird stuff they let Shearer and Guest do.

For 85/86, half the cast and crew quit again, and NBC fired the rest. They were going to just cancel the show, but decided to try and get Lorne Michaels to come back again and build the show he wanted. They gave him an almost free hand (in theory), and he used it.

The first thing he did was bring back AL Franken, Tom Davis and Jim Downey (all part of the original writing team from the 75-80 period) as writers and executive producers. Then he hired Randy Quaid, Joan Cusack, Nora Dunn, Dennis Miller, Anthony Michael Hall, Robert Downey Jr., Damon Wayans and Jon Lovitz.

Yeah, you know all of those names for a reason.

But remember I said above 79/80 to 85/86 were the bad years? Well, 85/86 SUCKED. Quaid was drunk the entire time, Hall and Downey did cereal bowls full of coke (at 17 and 19 years old by the way), and nobody had a clue what Wayans was doing, including Wayans.

The only ones they brought back for 86/87 were Lovtiz, Miller, and Dunn; and that's where things get interesting again.

In one fell swoop, Michaels hired Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, Jan Hooks, Victoria Jackson, and Kevin Nealon.

Yeah, you probably know all those names as well; at least you should... OK, except maybe Jan Hooks who never really stood out.. and Victoria Jackson always irritated me.

Anyway, clearly, this was the best cast they'd had since 78/79; and would kick off a great run that lasted until about '93/94, and a bit of '95. Nealon and Hartman started off this great period, and they closed it down.

I bet the only sketches you can remember from '79 til '86 involve Eddy Murphy, or Billy crystal right?

I dunno about y'all, but I remember a hell of a lot of the sketches from '86 to '95.

And then in '88, they hired Mike Meyers; with six years of unmitigated funny to follow.

It was '88/89 that made SNL a "do not miss this show" event again. Everybody was watching SNL then, and people were still talking about sketches the next week at work and school.

Unfortunately, for 90/91, things started down hill, and haven't ever recovered.

Lovitz and Dunn had left/been fired (a bit of both) at the end of 89/90; and there were some grumblings from the '86 revival players. Then Miller left at the end of '91 for his own show (which bombed unfortunately, but he's done OK since then).

There were some real standouts from 91/92 to 94/95... but generally speaking the best of 86-91 weren't matched (excepting continuing great performances from Hartman, Carvey, and Meyers of course), with three very notable exceptions, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, and Chris Rock (all hired in '90 or '91).

Unfortunately in '92/93, Carvey and Chris Rock both left, then Meyers, Hartman, Farley, Sandler all left in 94 or 95... and that's pretty much all she wrote.

Since '95 there have really only been two cast members worth watching, Will Ferrel and Darrel Hammond... and maybe a little credit to Jimmy Fallon (not much - he can be very funny, but on SNL, he wasn't), Amy Poehler (again, she CAN be very funny but wasn't on SNL), and Cheri Oteri.

Tina Fey is a great, and very funny WRITER (which is what she was hired for in '97. She was head writer from '99 to 2006... not exactly a great legacy ); but she sucked as a performer on SNL. She's apparently doing a lot better with 30 Rock(along with Rachel Dratch, who I always found irritating); but I've never seen the show.

Norm McDonald can be great, but he sucked on SNL; plus he was drunk basically the entire time. Comedians who are coked up all the time can be really hilarious... RIchard Pryor, Robin Williams, hell, the entire first 5 years of SNL... comedians who are drunk enough that their timing is screwed up and they forget their jokes, but not so drunk that they fall down a lot... not funny.

Oh and a side note on that last comment: Dean Martin almost never drank on stage. It was an act. You couldn't possibly drink as much as he seemed to and still make it through those performances. He said so many times in interviews before he died.

Now as to those "standouts"... well, they aren't exactly Bill Murray and Chevy Chase...

Will Ferrel... man, sometimes he's hilarious; much of the time he's just irritating. He's honestly a very good actor in his own right, outside of his comedic capability; but he doesn't seem to be able to figure out what's gonna work (Old School), and what isn't (A Night at the Roxbury).

Darrel Hammond is a gifted impressionist (better than Rich Little in his best years), but otherwise, he's not very funny. Oh and he currently holds the dubious distinction of being the longest running SNL cast member (12 years), and having had the most appearances on the show.

Now think about it... of all the cast members, what era are the memorable ones, what era are the duds?

Other than Ferrel is anyone from the last 12 years going to be remembered? Probably not. In fact they're probably going to cancel the show next season. They cut the budget nearly in half for 2007 and are cutting it again next year.

You remember the great from 86 to 94 though: Carvey, Hartman, Meyers, Miller, Sandler, Rock, Farley. All of them tremendously successful, and destined to be remembered.

'80 through '85... Do you remember anyone but Murphy, Crystal, and Short? Hell, Crystal and Short don't really count because they were already stars when they showed up on SNL.

... Okay, we all remember Joe Piscopo; but not in a good way.

The original cast though... other than Lorraine Newman and Garret Morris (who were quite honestly the token hot chick and the token black man) they all went on to be MAJOR stars; in fact most of them still are.

Honestly, at this point I don't think the show can or should be saved. The magic is gone, and after 12 years of nothing but crap, they aren't going to get it back.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Just checking in on SNL...

Watched it for the first time in years, just to make sure...

Yeah, it still sucks.

.. has since the 1990-95 meltdown when Miller, Rock, Sandler, Farley, Meyers, Carvey, and Hartman all left.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Temporal Relativity

Man, I remember when I was a kid, and my mom would say something like "Ok now you have to wait an hour"; and I'd go wait for what what I was absolutely without a doubt sure was TWO whole hours, only to see that maybe three minutes had passed

As you get older, well... Y'ever wake up one Monday at 6:30 or so, and go about your business; and then all of a sudden it's Friday at 6:04pm... and you're pretty sure a busy week happened in between but you can't distinctly remember any particular moment of it?

What about thinking "Well, there goes another batch of bills for the first", and then all of a sudden it's the 28th, and you're pretty sure you're missing some days there.

Lately, I've been thinking "Man my birthday was really was great this year, I really love April... what was that a few weeks ago... MY GOD IT'S AUGUST".

I still get a little jarred by the fact that the nineties were over 7 and 2/3 years ago, and began 17 and 2/3 years ago.

I swear, I'm going to go to bed one day in June, 2015; and wake up in 2035 wondering where the last 20 years went.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 23 - Some like it hot

...And some think mild chemical burns are mighty tasty...

I would be one of the latter.

I've gone over this before of course, but today I wanted to share one of the sinus searing culinary joys of my life with you, my Asian hot chili wasabi sauce.

It's a simple little thing, so I wasn't going to bother making this a recipe for real men; but I think you'll like it anyway, so why not.

Ingredients:

4 tblsp water (room temp or slightly warm, not hot or cold)
4 tblsp soy sauce (natural brewed only)
4 tblsp vinegar based chili sauce (I use Franks RedHot)
2 tblsp pure wasabi powder blend (or 1/2tblsp pure wasabi, 1tblsp pure horseradish)
2 tblsp Chinese hot mustard powder (add 1/2 tblsp if you're using pure wasabi instead of blend)
1 tblsp vodka
1 tblsp crushed dried whole chili peppers, or fresh chili paste (choose a pepper to suit your heat)
1 tsp crushed garlic

Preparation:

Ok, this isn't hard, but you have to do it in the right way, with the right ingredients, in the right order, and for the right amount of time; or it's just not going to taste right.

The first step, is to get the right ingredients. You are looking for a good quality of pure wasabi blend, or pure wasabi powder. You're probably going to need to go to a specialty spice merchant, or a natural foods market for this. The wasabi you find at most Asian supermarkets generally isn't really wasabi, its horseradish and mustard with no actual wasabi in it at all.

Why? Because wasabi is EXPENSIVE. We bought 4oz of the BLENDED wasabi powder (which is a blend of pure wasabi, horseradish, and white mustard) at Penzeys a few months ago, and it was $14. Trust me though, it goes a LONG way, and the low quality cheaper substitutes are just not pleasant at all.

You don't need to get pure wasabi though; in fact if you did, you probably wouldn't like it very much (it's very bitter); and besides, it costs about $20 an ounce. The Penzeys blend works just fine; or you

Next you need to get yourself some chinese hot mustard. Normal white and yellow mustards (technically the same plant, but different preparation) are much milder than chinese hot mustard (which IS a different plant, or rather two; it's a blend of brown and black mustard varieties), because they have a far lower concentration of isothiocyanates, the volatile oils which give mustard it's pungency.

Again, the stuff you generally buy in jars at the Chinese market isn't what we're looking for. You want a natural pure hot mustard powder; which again, you can get at Penzeys, whole foods etc...

Both wasabi, and mustard are part of the same plant family; and are aromatic spices (well, wasabi is a risome, but mustard is a spice) that release flavorful aromatic compounds when moistened, including those isothiocyanates, which provides the pungency for both.

When wetted, the pungency of mustard and wasabi will increase for 10-15 minutes 'til it peaks sharply, then falls of slightly to a plateau for several hours, and slowly decreases over time. However, this process can be arrested at any point on the timeline, fixing the heat level and greatly slowing the degradation of flavor for as much as a year or more afterwards, with the addition of mild acids like strong citrus juices, or vinegar.

Additionally, any heat above 140 degrees Fahrenheit for any length of time greatly reduces the overall pungency; and adds a nutty toasted flavor and aroma (that's common to Indian and Thai cuisine).

This friends, is why the order and process is important here. You have to time it properly, and mix the ingredients in the proper order, or you're going to get a flavorless mess.

Ok, enough with the theory, lets do it.

First tings first, crush and mince your garlic and chilis; and mix them into the vinegar based hot sauce. Personally, I like thai hot peppers (also called thai bird peppers... or you can use the similar Chilitepin) here, but anything in the cayenne heat range or hotter is good. For hot sauce I prefer Franks RedHot, but any relatively thin vinegar based sauce is fine here (Texas Pete or Tabasco would also work). Add in your vodka at this stage as well.

Why vodka?

Chilis and garlic both contain alcohol soluble flavorful oils; and you wont get the full flavor out of them with just water or vinegar. It's not necessary to use vodka here of course, any neutral or pleasant tasting alcohol of about 60 proof or more is usable. I simply chose vodka because of its neutral flavor.

Now, add the soy sauce into the mix, and put it aside to let the flavors blend. Don't refrigerate it though; you want the mix to be room temperature. Oh and keep it handy, you're going to need it in about 15 minutes.

Next, take 4 tablespoons of water, and mix your powdered mustard and wasabi blends into a smooth, thin, paste. Depending on the particular blend you've got you may need to add more water. You aren't trying to make the doughlike paste you get in a cheap japanese place; you want the paste to be basically a thick liquid, and thoroughly wet.

Now, here's where you have a decision to make. How much sinus burn do you want? The clock starts running with the first wetting of the powder, with pungency increasing for between 10 and 15 minutes. You need to decide at what point you're going to arrest the progress. You don't really develop any flavor for the first 3-5 minutes, and after 10 minutes the flavor could be a bit harsh for some folks (hell... most folks).

So, what you want to do is taste every minute or so; then when the pungency seems a little bit less than you want, add in the chili mix, and stir quickly to combine.

If you want to moderate the mouth feel, add a little sweetness, and add more Thai or Caribbean flavor to the sauce without significantly reducing the overall spice level; add in 1-2 tablespoons of fresh coconut cream (it's like double thickness coconut milk), or condensed coconut milk; a teaspoon of fresh nutmeg or allspice (or both), and the juice from half a lime. Oh and for Thai specifically, add in a couple tablespoons of Sriracha.

If you want to add a more indian flavor to the sauce use yoghurt instead of coconut milk; and add a bit of turmeric, and a bit of cumin.

You need to let it sit for at least 10 minutes; but the sauce will be best if you let it sit for 2-6 hours before serving.

Once you are ready to serve, you can use the sauce as is; or you can mix it a bit for dipping or pouring. Basically, you can add more soy or chili sauce, more coconut milk, more yoghurt, more water, lemon, or lime juice to modify the texture and flavor to whatever best matches the dish you're serving it with.

Personally, I think it's the worlds best dipping sauce for little bites of Asian meat dishes... but be warned, this WILL clear your sinuses quite thoroughly.

Oh and one last teaser. If you REALLY want to blow your mind, slice up a sweet strawberry to under 1/4" thick and take a piece of extra dark, high solid chocolate of about the same size (like one of the small guitard or ghirardelli squares); then "glue" the strawberry slices to the chocolate pieces with a thin smear of the coconut milk modified sauce.

Trust me, it's incredible. Strange, but REALLY good.

And be sure to check out:

Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 22 - Full Fat, Full Dairy, All Killer, No Filler
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 21 - Forget About the Dough Boy
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 20 - QDCBS (Quick and Dirty Chili Bean Stew)
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 19 - Chicken Salmonella
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 18 - I'll give YOU a good stuffing turkey (1)
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 17 - REAL Coffee
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 16 - DTG (Damn That's Good) dip
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 15 - More Chocolate Than Cookie
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 14 - Millions of Peaches
Recipes for REAL Women, Volume 13 - Mels 10,000 Calorie Butter Cookies
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 12 - Lard Ass Wings
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 11 - Bacon Double Macaroni and Cheese
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 10 - It's the meat stupid
Recipes for REAL Men, Volume 9 - Labor Day Potatos
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 8 - It's a pork fat thing
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 7 - It may not be Kosher...
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 6 - Andouille Guiness Chili Recipes for REAL men, Volume 5 - Eazza the Ultimate Pizza
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 4 - Two Pound Meat Sauce
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 3 - Highbrow Hash
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 2 - MuscleCarbonara
Recipes for REAL men, Volume 1 - More Beef than Stew

That was the crappy year that was

I've played this game before, but Kim brought it up again, in reference to Army of Moms list.

The game goes like this. What were the top 10 singles of the year you graduated high school. What were the top albums. Of the top 100 singles and 200 albums (which is how Billboard lists them in charts) which ones do you actually LIKE; and, forgetting about the charts, which music in general did you actually like from that year.

Then, who died, broke up, or retired; and who got into music or formed as a group that year.

Finally, list the crappy news and events of that year; and any good ones to offset them.

Kims year was '71, and his chart list was pretty bad; but there was a lot of good music that came out in '7 (it jsut didn't chart well).

I'm '93 here; and it was pretty horrible. The top ten singles that year were:
1. I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston
2. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team
3. Can't Help Falling In Love, UB40
4. That's The Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson
5. Freak, Silk
6. Weak, SWV
7. If I Ever Fall In Love, Shai
8. Dreamlover, Mariah Carey
9. Rump Shaker, Wreckx-N-Effect
10. Informer, Snow
Of those, the only one I don't actively hate is the UB40 cover of "I can't help falling in love".. which I only mildly dislike.

Of the whole top 100 for that yea, the only songs I actually LIKED were:

31. Mr. Wendal - Arrested Development
81. Rebirth of slick - Diggable Planets
94. Livin on the edge - Aerosmith

The Album charts is even worse:

1 - The Bodyguard soundtrack
2 - Breathless - Kenny G
3 - Unplugged - Eric Clapton
4 - janet. - Janet Jackson
5 - Some Gave All - Billy Ray Cyrus

The only one even worth thinking about is Clapton unplugged (which I actually still own)

Other albums I liked from that year (not including live, concert, and greatest hits):

Get a Grip - Aerosmith
Crazy Legs - Jeff Beck
Candlebox - Candlebox
Coverdale Page - Jimmy Page and David Coverdale
The Battle Rages On - Deep Purple
Pork Soda - Primus
Pablo Honey - Radiohead
Rancid - Rancid
Counterparts - Rush
Edge of thorns - Savatage
Chaos AD - Sepultura
Undertow - Tool
Bloody Kisses - Type O Negative

The album charts were so bad that year, that of the top 200 billboard albums that year, nearly 60 of them were actually released in 1992.

Dizzy Gillespie, Mick Ronson, Ray Gillen, and Frank Zappa all died. The Pixies and Metal church broke up, and dear god the backstreet boys were formed (now theres a crime against humanity right there); though we did also get The Crystal Method, The Hives, and Jurassic 5.

I like Kims list a lot better; 'cept I know who Lindisfarne are, but have never listened to them.

Now, onto the worst of all, the news.

I don't see how anything could be worse in '93 (or for that matter, be god enough to balance it off) than the first entry, but here goes:

Jan 20: Bill Clinton inaugurated as President
Feb 11: Janet Reno nominated as Attorney General
Feb 28: ATF raids Branch Davidian compound
Mar 11: Reno is confirmed as Attorney General
Mar 31: The first Spam is sent
Mar 31: Brandon Lee "accidentally" shot by Michael Massee while filming "the crow"
Apr 19: The FBI and ATF murder 85 people, burning 79 of them to death in their home
Jul 19: Clinton introduces "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"
Jul 27: Windows NT is released
Aug 6: Louis Freeh becomes director of the FBI
Sep 13: First Israeli PLO Clinton "peace" accords signed
Oct 3: Battle of Mogadishu (see "Blackhawk down")
Oct 31: IRS recognizes Scientology as a legitimate religion
Nov 11: Windows 3.11 is released
Nov 30: Clinton signs the Brady bill

They gave Toni Morrison the Nobel prize for literature, and Nelson Mandela the Nobel peace prize.

No-one who has yet proven to be both useful and famous was born that year. In addition to the notables in music listed above the following notable (to me anyway) folks died:

1. Audrey Hepburn
2. Andre the Giant
3. Ferrucio Lambroghini
4. Deke Slayton
5. Jimmy Doolittle
6. Vincent Price

Honestly... I'd say that 1993 has to be a top contender for worst ever year not actively involving a global plague, depression, or world war.

Geek Triumph

Problem: Windows sucks, crashes constantly, sucks resources horribly etc... etc....
Solution: Don't run windows

-- Problem: Work VPN and email clients are windows only, do not work in emulation modes
-- Solution: Run windows just for email and vpn

---- Problem: Policy only allows corp. controlled systems to connect to internal resources.
----- Corollary: Corp allows Linux and VMWare, but does not support either on laptops.
----- Solution: Install linux on company laptop, run windows in VMWare. Don't call support

------ Problem: VMWare doesnt want to run with current configuration
------ Solution: Corp does not prohibit VirtualBox, which will run properly


Result: Happy geek with Linux laptop, and Windows VPN and email in virtual machine

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Keeping your time your own

A subject near and... well, not dear; but certainly of significant concern to me was recently raised in the "gun thing" forums: Overtime and On-Call time

Oooh boy... I have some stories...

There are some jobs; more and more these days it seems (though at least in my field not as much as in the mid to late 90s); where mandatory, uncompensated overtimes is just expected. This has been part of the computer culture since it's inception. It's just assumed that when deadlines approach, you will work "until it's done" no matter what it takes.

Now, I'm a workaholic by nature. Without outside restraint, that's exactly what I'll do.

Don't.

Not only that, but it's expected that you'll drop everything at a call from work and get on it; no matter where you are or what time it is.

Don't.

I say this from years of painful experience; unless you are in the military, or an emergency responder... or MAYBE if you're working at a startup and overwork now means the potential for never having to work again in a few years... you MUST keep your time your own.

If you don't respect your time, then your employers or clients will abuse it. They will require more and more of it until you are doing nothing but working, eating, and sleeping.

Believe me I know, I did it for years. I've worked months on end of 100+ hour weeks. I've worked 24 hour shifts more than once; more than a hundred times even. Hell, I worked a 78 hour shift once. I've done 16 hour shifts, got on an airplane for 8 hours and done another 16 hour shift, then got back on the plane for an 8 hour ride home... It "helped" to kill one marriage and an uncounted number of other relationships. It "helped" me gain a hundred pounds over the healthy and fit weight I'd kept for 10 years.

A few years back, I swore I would never do it again (along with a personal commitment to never have a commute of more than one hour each way ever again). Without leisure and personal time, your life gets more and more unpleasant; until there's no real point to it. You've stopped living, and you're just existing.

Sure you may be making good money, but what good is it if you don't have any free time to spend it? What good is it if you're dead at 40 from a heart attack?

This isn't to say that you shouldn't do overtime at all; just that you should properly manage it. Hell, overtime is a way of life for the trades, and most unionized jobs; but they make sure that they get paid for it, and the more there is, the more they get paid. This acts as a natural brake against employers abusing overtime.

So how much is too much? Well, that's a personal choice, but I draw the line at 60 work hours a week; and I really think that two consecutive days off is important.

Oh, I WILL work more than that; but you can damn well bet I'm gonna get PAID for it.

And then there's the sticky question of On-Call, and out of hours work.

The contract I've been on the last two years, is the first job I've had in years that didn't require at least some on-call and out of hours work (or overtime for that matter, which is not allowed by the company for exempt employees or equivalent contractors at all). Most of my contracts have been in environments where 24/7 on call was a way of life; and on-call can be worse than overtime, because it steels your most personal time: your sleep and your personal time with your wife or girlfriend, and your kids. If you're on-call you can't make any real plans without excess stress, because you know you could be interrupted at any time.

Worse, some employers seem to think that on-call "just goes with the job", and that they can reasonably expect you to be on call without any restrictions or compensation.

I don't think so scooter.

I'm pretty reasonable about overtime (to a point), but I charge quite a lot for on-call, and out of hours work. It's not because I'm greedy; it's because I respect my own time, and I expect my employers and clients to do so as well.

If on-call means I have to be grab and go ready 24/7 with immediate on-site response time in a local region, then I typically charge 50% of my full rate per on call hour; full rate for every hour of actual work time between 8am and 10pm; and 200% of my full rate during “emergency hours” between 10pm and 8am.

I also charge a minimum of two hours for any on-call that requires me to interrupt something I was doing for any length of time, or cancel it; and 4 hours for any on-call that requires me to go on-site.

If my on-call requires 24/7 grab and go with immediate out of region travel (I had to fly from Dublin, to Nashville, to Quatar in a 48 hour period on no notice once. The airfare alone - for clients I fly a minimum of business class or above - was well over $10k) then I charge full rate for every on call hour, including travel time; but I waive emergency rates unless my actual work hours (including travel hours) exceed 60 for a given work week or seven day period (whichever has more hours), at which point I go to full doubletime.

If immediate phone response is required then I’ll typically charge 25% per on-call hour, and the standard 100% for non emergency hours and 200% for emergency hours. Also, if on-site response is required when my on-call is supposed to only be by phone, I charge full emergency rate, no matter what time it is.

Only if my response time requires no on-site, and 2 hour phone response or greater will I waive a blanket hourly on-call rate and go to straight time; and I still charge 200% for every actual work hour.

Oh and any time that I was absolutely not supposed to have on-call time and I end up having to call in or go on site? Yeah, thats at full emergency rates. I don't allow clients or employers to screw up my plans without notice, unless they're paying handsomely for the privilege.

As to overtime charges, in my contracting work I don’t charge overtime rates up to 60 hours, but I do charge an out of hours premium of 150% for any scheduled work between 10pm and 8am; and for any unscheduled emergency out of hours work, or any work over 60 hours I charge 200%

Customers have to pay for the privilege of stealing my sleep, and my family time; or they will attempt to do so far too frequently; rather than provisioning proper staffing for their out of hours needs.

If I have a very good customer who I know won’t abuse the on-call provisions, I will soften my stance here; but I’ve had too many companies try and screw me to not take a hard line without a degree of trust there.

Now, I can get away with this, because I have a skill set that is in demand and difficult to replace; and my experience and abilities are commensurate to my rate. When you are just establishing yourself it can be difficult to maintain terms like that; but you need to make every possible effort to make it non-free for your employers or clients to abuse your time.

Now, it is very important to note, that comp time isn't sufficient to make your employers stop abusing your time. Comp-time looks free to your employers (believe me); unless you get two hours of comp time for every hour of overtime or out of hours time. It has to be two hours to hurt enough. When you've got straight comp time, as far as they're concerned it's just shifting the money around; it doesn't matter to them that they are screwing you over in the process.

It doesn't take very much financial penalty for employers to think twice about wasting your time, and that's what's really important. If it's critical they'll gladly pay whatever it takes (or at least they should; if they don't, then they are stupid and you should find a better job), but if it isn't critical they shouldn't be bothering you.

I've had clients or employers say "That's ridiculous. We would never hire someone under those terms". Some employers seem to think that you should be HAPPY to give the company all your time whenever they need it, and if you don't you're not a "team player".

Fine, then guarantee me in writing that I will never have to do any overtime or on-call work; and that there will be no penalty or stigma against me for refusing any such work if it comes up.

"But, we can't guarantee that. If theres deadlines or emergencies, of course you may be needed".

Good. That tells me all I need to know about your company; and I'm glad I wont be working there.

I don't work for you for fun. I don't work for you for my own personal satisfaction. I don't enjoy giving you my time. My time would be much better spent doing stuff for ME and for my family, why would you expect me to joyfully take my time away from them?

I may love my job and take great personal satisfaction from it; but if you didn't pay me, I wouldn't be doing it. Why would you think I would work MORE if you didn't pay me more? It's called work, not play, for a reason.

What it comes down to is this. Your time is valuable. You only get so much of it, and it all happens on a very strict schedule. If you miss it because you're working, you cant get it back.

You know what compulsory work without compensation is called? Slavery.

If your employers don't have to pay for your time in order to use it and abuse it, believe me, they'll think nothing of making you a slave. Make them pay, and they'll respect your time, and you will stay free.