The hot water isn't recovering.
Normally not a big, but I really needed a shower this morning, because I haven't showered in 5 days and CPS will be doing a home inspection today.
Why? Because the school counselor decided the boy smelled.
Now, in case y'all have missed the several "I'm in over my head I can't do this by myself oh God oh God" posts lately... the house is/ was a disaster.
This is not surprising, given that we've spent the past 2 years with cancer spiraling out of control, Christopher's special needs increasing (and his intelligence and escape artist ways), and me desperately trying to hold on every way I can.
So the day I can't give Christopher a shower before school because the hot water hasn't recovered, that's when CPS gets called.
Also 2 days before help was due to arrive.
Actual help. Not "never showed up because dealing with cancer might cause PTSD". Not "got pregnant and married, oops". Not "help with a side of condescension and "you should just put forth a little more effort" while I am literally asleep on the floor in front of company". Not "help that promises to show up and even gets a damn puppy and doesn't come back for a month". Actual help.
Too fucking late. The train had derailed completely, and CPS is due for a home inspection today and I'm freaking out because not everything is done no matter that we've been working on it continuously and I've medicated myself to the gills. It's most likely not gonna be enough.
Then I got up to our account $1300 overdrawn because I needed to buy food and supplies and hotel rooms and pay bills...
"Got up" not "woke up" because I didn't sleep last night past a short nap...
And the fundraising isn't going well...
And I'm out of gas in the truck...
And my side project may be dying on the vine today due to lack of funds...
And Snicker-Snack killed a mouse in the master bedroom last night...
My vacuum keeps clogging...
Chris has pneumonia and may need hospitalized...
And I can't even get a damn hot shower, or call a plumber.
I'm just so done.
Anyone wondering when I'd hit the wall and stop being able to handle everything completely? This is it apparently.
Because I've done what I can, I've fought doctors and insurance companies and bills and entropy and sickness and school officials and CPS and tried to handle all of this myself and I just can't anymore. I'm literally falling apart at this point and I don't know what to do. Picking myself up and dusting myself off isn't working so hot right now.
Mel
