Washington D.C.
October 4th 2005
President George Bush today announced he has nominated professional gardener Jesus Ramirez as the new secretary of agriculture.
This announcement came as a great surprise to the media, as Mr. Ramirez sole qualification for the office seems to be his long relationship as the presidents personal gardener. Mr. Ramirez in fact has been President Bushes personal gardener for more than 10 years.
The announcement came as an even greater surprise to current secretary Mike Johanns; as he has not resigned, and is in full health. His spokesman released this statement "What the fuck???". This sentiment seems to be echoed at this time by all sentient beings on the planet. We are looking for confirmation, but reports indicate that both God and Satan have agreed; and may be releasing a joint press announcement later this week.
Asked about Mr. Ramirez qualifications, President bush responded "I have known Jesus for over 15 years, and I can tell you there is no better man for this position. He is an expert in grass and trees; and you should see his potiary.. I mean topography... uhhh topiary. Why he even managed to get rid of that pesky crab grass problem I was having. Don't even get me started on how he dealt with my beetle problem". President bush also added "I have looked into his heart, and I know that he is the right man for the job".
Conservatives have reacted with distinct puzzlement, and in fact the following image has begun appearing on blogs all over the internet.
