Monday, January 16, 2006

Birthdays and Bastards

It was our older girls 4th birthday today. She spent most of the weekend with Grandma, then came home for her birthday dinner (home made macaroni and cheese, and nathans hot dogs - her favorite).

Unfortunately, it wasnt a happy day for her. In fact it's been a sad couple of weeks. See her biological father is a bit of a useless ass. He's supposed to call them every other day, but since they got back in mid December he's only called TWICE. We had to call HIM on christmas, and even then he wasn't there.

He didn't call today either.

We finally called him, just before her bed time. He talked to her for maybe three minutes. Then he asked to talk to Mel and layed some bullshit on her, trying to guilt her.

He swears up and down how much he loves his kids; how he's miserable that they're gone; how he can't live without them.

He's called twice in a month. He didn't call on Christmas, he didn't call on her birthday.

Rosie loves me. She gives me spontaneous hugs for no reason and crawls up to cuddle with me. She comes to me when she's hurt, or scared, or when she wants something done, or just to play. It's the sweetest thing in the whole world.

She wants me to be like her daddy, but she knows I'm not. She also feels guilty, because she loves me, AND her biological father, and she feels like she's betraying her real daddy; and so sometimes she won't hug me at all, and sometimes she says mean things to me, or throws things, or otherwise acts out.

All I can do is watch her go through the same hurt and disappointment I went through with my father (Hell I still am considering the old bastard never answers the phone or returns messages) and it just kills me.