Thursday, May 25, 2006

Why I can't stand Feminists

While Chris was going through his blogroll last night he came across this entry at Seven Inches of Sense concerning feminists and their idiocy. While I would not have put it in quite the terms that she did, I completely agree. Of course her diatribe was started by this post which I find quite laughable and disturbing at the same time. Can you spell V-I-C-T-I-M mentality?

I love feminism and its ideals but I hate Feminists. Let me clarify what I mean by that. Feminism in its classical definition is the idea that women are equal to men and should be treated as such. This includes, but is not limited to:
  • Equal rights to representative government (i.e. the vote).
  • Equal rights to major life decisions (financial, educational, lifestyle, etc.)
  • Equal rights to educational and employment opportunities, assuming equivalent abilities. What I mean by this is that if two students apply to the same college their acceptance should be based on demonstrated ability (i.e. grades, tests scores, references) rather than gender. Yes, this means I don't think women should be given preference just for being female (excepting of course women's colleges).
  • Equal rights to health care.
  • Equal rights to legal protection and equal legal responsibilities.
  • Equal rights to earned societal privileges and equal societal responsibilities.
There are many more, of course, but those are the basics. That is feminism to me, the advancement of women just until they have reached equality with men. This of course has already been achieved in the U.S., with the occasional discrimination BOTH WAYS.

Now if you'll notice the last two have responsibilities attached. That is because with EQUAL RIGHTS COME EQUAL RESPONSIBILITY.

And this is my issue with Feminists. They have forsaken equality in a desperate attempt to be better than men. Not only is this impossible but it has the unfortunate consequence of encouraging men to behave WORSE. Let me explain.

Men and women are, by nature, interdependent. All societies exist with some balance or another of this interdependency; take away the interdependency and you are left with purely homosexual societies which by nature die out within a generation without an infusion of new blood. Even if a society existed without men it needs a source of new members, which can only be aided by MEN. The same exists in a society completely comprised of men, they must have women to swell their ranks one way or another.

Now in societies where women are oppressed and unequal the men are no less dependent. However the women live without the rights expressed above but with all of the coinciding responsibility. There is no equality, and as a result the women are *generally* abused, including the loss of self-determination which includes all matters societal, sexual, and relational. These women don't have a choice whether or not to have a child, or get married, or get an education. All things are decided for them, and I agree that the objective of true feminism is to encourage (or force if necessary) society to give women equal rights and responsibilities.

Feminists in this country however have gone far beyond the balance and done something far more detrimental. They pretended that women didn't need men, and that we could very well do without them. This includes the myth of having it all and other Feminist bullshit.

There is only one problem with this idea. Women do need men, or at the very least women with children need men. What do I mean by this?

What does it take to run the average household with children? You need someone to:
  • Provide a steady source of income.
  • Handle financial decisions, i.e. pay bills and plan for the future.
  • Take care of the daily needs of the children and adults, i.e. meals and hygiene.
  • Take care of the household, which includes but is not limited to cleaning and maintenance.
  • Handle health care for all family members.
  • Participate in the education of the kids.
  • Offer the kids affection, attention, and discipline.
This is the very minimum necessary to run a functioning household with kids. As any single mother (including me at one time) would tell you, this is nearly impossible to pull off as a single person. Things are much easier with two, which also frees up the necessary time and energy to do more than the bare minimum. More time and parental involvement is necessary for a child's happiness and eventual well-being and it has been proven time and time again that kids in households with two parents fare much better emotionally, mentally, and socially.

Yes, other adults can help compensate for the lack of a father. After I left my previous husband I lived with my parents and brother for a year and four months. This allowed me to work part time and gave the girls more adults who watched out for them and so things were ok. It is possible to pull of single parenthood and survive relatively well, with help. But herein lies the rub.

As more women effectively told men to bugger off, they didn't need them, whole GENERATIONS of men got the idea that it was okay to leave. Their ex-wives and children would survive, and they would have their freedom back and no one would be worse for wear. There's only one problem with this thinking. As more men left behind their parental responsibilities with each successive generation, more men began to think it was acceptable to do so.

Congratulations Feminists. Instead of cementing equality (which we already had thanks to Susan B. Anthony et al) you created a situation where men started giving up their half of the equal responsibility equation. You have created a situation where women are STILL oppressed, but even worse you've extended it to include innocent children who now suffer the consequences of men giving up their responsibility.

But what do you do when you come across men who have escaped the mentality, men like my father, my brother, my husband and Kim who understand that responsibility has to be shared and therefore make the money and let their wives handle most domestic matters? You yell at THEM because they are obviously OPPRESSING us by "forcing" us to stay at home and take care of the kids and household.

Take it from a former single mother. Poverty and being away from your children for 9+ hours a day just to return to a dirty house and financial stress is FAR more oppressive. I don't know of a single man mentioned above who would NOT encourage his wife to work if she wanted to or would not (finances permitting) trade places with his wife if she wanted to seek employment, or come up with another way of letting her work. Plenty of men are stay-at-home dads now, and I consider that a sign of true equality. However being forced to raise your kids alone on your off hours is oppressive, and having to turn to family for help could also be considered oppressive. It is far better to encourage men to once again take on the responsibility they incurred when they conceived a child and stop telling them we can do very well without men in our lives. Because we can't.

But I have gotten off topic...

The hate post mentioned above is pretty spectacular in its erroneous nature. Yes some men hate women and I agree that rape and violence as a whole must be stopped as much as possible. But here's the deal.

For men to not be animals, WOMEN must be responsible and CHANGE the conditions which allow men to be animals. It's not at all fair but it's the only way to deal with things.

1. Men hate me when they rape. I am lucky enough not to have been raped (yet), but I still feel that hate. I feel it when I read that 60, 000 women a year are raped in the UK alone. I feel it when I know that, all around the world, women are being raped right this minute, right this second. I feel it because I know that we are not being raped by crazy psychopaths lying in wait in a dark alley as the media would have as believe, but by normal, ordinary, everyday men, by husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends, friends, fathers, brothers, bosses, partners, ex partners, soldiers, policemen, the list goes on. Men hate me when they rape.

Yes rape is supremely evil. But here's the deal; if you don't want women to be raped, change the conditions which make men think it is acceptable to do so. That means agressively prosecuting rapists, especially in a domestic setting. That means yes, women who are being raped must do whatever they can to escape the situation and find justice. This may be a single act of courage to go to a battered women's shelter or a societal act of courage to change the mindset of women as property. What can those of us who aren't being raped do? Education, assistance, and involvement. If you don't like a situation, CHANGE IT. Do whatever it takes.

2. Men hate me when they use porn. They hate me when they come to my sisters being abused and raped. They hate me when they reduce me to two hands and three holes. They hate me when they use porn as a manual for sex, when they equate my worth to my ability to act like a porn star. They hate me when they deny the harm that porn does to women. They hate me when they see the harm and rejoice in it. They hate me when they cause that harm. Men hate me when they use porn.

Then don't reduce yourself to two hands and three holes. There are men in this world that enjoy women who have independent thought. Encourage THEM. Raise your sons to think that way. And most importantly, if a man is trying to reduce you to two hands and 3 holes and YOU DON'T LIKE IT don't be with him. And encourage other women to have the same lofty standards for their men. Men as a whole will improve. Those who don't, well, if you don't get any nookie you can't have offspring now can you? As for being expected to be a porn star, well, that is indeed asking too much of the average inexperienced girl. But like all things, sex is something all women should aspire to be better at.

3. Men hate me when they type 'rape virgens' into google, or 'cut breasts fuck', or 'three men brutally rape woman'. (Check out the sitemeter posts over at the Den if you really need more evidence).

I wholeheartedly agree that men who get off on violence should be stopped. This goes along with agressively prosecuting rapists and the like. As a whole men need to be re-educated that sexual violence is not acceptable and that they WILL be put away from any available female nookie for violating women. That means law enforcement and society have to do their jobs, and violated women MUST report what happened to the authorities and aid them in whatever way they can. Only when women get over rape shame can we consistently do this.

4. Men hate me when they harrass women in clubs, on the streets, in the park, in bars, on the beach, at the bus stop. They hate me when they leer and make lewd comments and pinch arses and grab breasts and stare down tops and drive by in their cars beeping their horns at any tits and arse they go past and when think they have the fucking right to tell me to smile.

I remember an old Designing Women episode from my youth where the women from the company were consistently catcalled by the workers at a construction site across the street from them. So in order to make it stop they called the worker's mothers in and let THEM deal with it. Moral of the story: don't let the behavior slide, and raise your sons to act respectfully to ALL women. Yes I understand that's a lifetime committment. But there are no fast victories in societal change. Once again though, this is NOT all men. Most men don't do stupid disrespectful things like that, and you must encourage the ones who don't. That does mean paying more attention to the guy that treats you well, and treating him well in return. Manners are reciprocal and can be taught.

5. Men hate me when they buy lads mags and calculate how much their girlfriend costs per fuck.

This is yet another case of them needing to be dumped and taken away from all available female nookie.

6. Men hate me when they ask their girlfriends to get a boob job to spice up their sex life.

See above please.

7. Men hate me when they make malicious, sexist jokes. Men hate me when they laugh at malicious, sexist jokes. You think I don't know that you really mean it?

Once again.

8. Men hate me when they question women's right to equal pay / to have an abortion / to have sex without getting pregnant / to do anything that they have the right to do.

I didn't know men had a right to an abortion. Besides the abortion point (I believe in birth control of a more preventative nature myself) women have an additional right: to not consort with men who believe those things.

9. Men hate me when they buy women's bodies.
10. Men hate me when they sell women's bodies.
11. Men hate me when they pay money to control women in a strip club.

Once again you have the right to not consort with those men, and to not sell yourself. Some women choose to sell themselves; those who don't need help escaping the situation. Are you helping them?

12. Men hate me when they write and profit from lyrics like this (Grab your titties for BIG)

Yeah, I'll agree they are assholes. But the women who let them get away with it are also to blame. Or are you incapable of blaming the women who dance in those videos for furthering that faulty perception?

13. Men hate me when they laugh at an anti-rape protest.

They laugh because protests don't work. Men who don't rape abstain out of their own volition; men who do must be stopped and protests don't stop them.

14. Men hate me when they attempt to justify/ deny /defend any of the above.

Some men will inevitably deny, because they don't do that kind of crap. Encourage them. Raise them.

And this is why I can't stand Feminists. The original feminists were women of action who knew they had to work to change things. Today's Feminists believe society should change just because they want it to. Societal change doesn't work that way.

And let's be honest. Women who keep to their standards and find (and raise) good men shouldn't be vilified for enjoying domestic life and doing what needs to be done. While y'all are whining and not getting any, we are raising a generation of children who will respect each other's rights and expect each other to fulfill responsibilities. In another couple of generations there won't be any of you left, but there will be plenty of the equality you hold so dear. And that will be because WE are the ones who have been safeguarding it, and passing equality along.


Just call me Mel, everyone else does.