Friday, April 13, 2007

The "Tramp" continuum

I've noticed lately, that there appears to be a continuum of indicators for "loose" women; starting with the relatively benign and ending up at the "I wouldn't do her with someone else's dick" stage.

Please note, I am not using these terms to denigrate freaks or sluts. I LOVE freaks and sluts (I'm very happily married now, my love is therefore in a theoretical and entirely non-physical sense); and think the world would be better off with more of them. Tramps on the other hand are a cancer on all mankind.

Now, these indicators are not universal; there are perfectly great women who posses them; however it is the imitation of these indicators by stupid, worthless (and I use that term advisedly. They have neither self worth, nor redeeming value), tramps that give them a bad name.

It's also important to note that individually, some of these characteristics are not necessarily "tramp related". For example, there are plenty of people in the body modification subculture who are into such things. Look for a combination of these indicators, without other body modification cues; and generally speaking bleached blonde hair, and frosted or metallic makeup, just to be sure.

I've conveniently color coded the subtitles to indicate degree of danger.

The continuum looks like this:

1. Large number of ear piercings - Ehh, maybe: At this stage, the female in question may just like a lot of earrings; but it's the first step down the road

2. Wearing inappropriate clothing in public - Baby tramp or tramp wannabe: I'm not thinking about short skirts and tight tops... hell everyone wears those now. I'm talking about clothes that say "slut", "porn star", "fuck me like a bitch" "I give good head" etc... in public. Oh, and wearing pajamas or underwear as outerclothes, or extremely age/situationally inappropriate clothing is in there as well.

At one time, this might have been a solid indicator, but these days it's just a fashion trend

3. Belly button piercing - Tramp curious : This one marks them as either into piercing in general, or imitative of the general tramp fashion. Either one is a decent indicator of proto-freaky status (for good or ill). These ones may be salvageable, if steered into slutitude or freakitude, and away from tramphood.

4. The "tramp stamp" - Tramp in training : The small of the back tatoo, often shaped like the thong panties inevitably visible underneath it. This used to be an indicator of the inked subculture, but now every tramp has to have one (thus the moniker).

5. The prominently visible tongue piercing - Trampilicious : There are only two reasons for tongue piercings to be noticable; either because you are just into piercing (again, a good indicator of freakiness), or because you want to advertise that you perform oral sex well. It is perfectly possible to have a tongue piercing without showing it off (I did at one point, but my body didn't care for it); but not for a tramp.

The sad part is, most of the tramps who DO show it off, actually aren't any good at giving head.

6. Nipple piercings - Lookout, this ones trouble : This was once the province of only the piercing fetishists (and pirates and 19t century sailors); but in the last 15 years it has become a mark of extreme tramphood as well. If she isn't a total piercing nut, and she's got her nipples pierced, you can bet she's a tramp. Oh and extra points if any of her piercings are connected by a chain.

7. The clit piercing - Amateur porn here I come : I really think the subheading says it all; if you find a girl who isn't a piercing freak, and she's got her clit pierced... well the lyrics of Buck Cherrys recent hit come to mind "Oh, she's a crazy bitch but she fucks so good I'm on top of it". The clit piercing has become de-rigeur for both porn stars, and the tramps who want to be just like them.

So fellows, heed my warning signs; and involve ye not with the tramps, unless you have multiple layers of latex, and a convenient fake phone number; for they are fraught with stupidity and peril.