Thursday, May 26, 2005

Oral Sex, Pizza, and Documentation

  1. "Oral sex is like pizza: When it's good, it's GREAT; and when it's bad, it's still pretty damned good"

  2. "Documentation is like oral sex: When it's good, it's GREAT; and when it's bad, it's still pretty damned good"
That is unfortunately not true, for any of those three items.

Bad pizza is just plain disgusting. Unfortunately there isn't a hell fo a lot of good pizza around here in AZ. NYPD, and Oreganos are both decent (NYPD is a lot like Boston style neapolitan or sicilian... kind of like what Papa Ginos would be if it werent a chain pizza place); but there isn't any really GREAT pizza here.

Unfortunately throughout most of America, all you can get is bad pizza. Pizza slut, spaminos, and little pukers are NOT real pizza; and no matter how much you like them, they arent GOOD pizza.
"First the spankings, then the oral sex"
Bad oral sex sucks.

Forgive the HORRIBLE pun, but I couldnt resist. Bad oral sex does indeed suck, and not in the good way. Good oral sex can be fucking incredible. It can be among the most pleasureable of experiences.

The problem? Most people aren't any good at oral sex. Most men have no clue about women ANYWAY, never mind about going down; but what gets me is most women...

I swear to you most women seem to think that just because their mouth is on your dick, it's going to be the greatest thing in the world.

As the recipient of vast quantities of bad head, let me jsut say this isn't so. Sure there are a few guys who are so pathetically grateful to be getting their cock sucked that a gentle lick and blow will do the job for them; but anyone over the age of 21, and under the age of 45-65 (depending on vigourousness).. at least if they are unmarried for much of that time anyway... will know better.

Nothing makes me lose my wood quicker than bad oral sex. It jsut throws me right off the mood entirely. Not only that, but if you try and tell women what to do, most of the time they get all bitchy about it like "don't look a gift horse in the mouth".

Even if you can find someone who kinows what they are doing, it takes me a looong fucking time to cum,and you have to be doing the right thing that whole time, or I jsut won't. Sure I'll really enjoy myself, and it will feel great, but I'm just not gonna get off that way.

Dont get offended if I don't cum ladies, hell I have a hard time getting my SELF off.

I'm lucky in that my GF is both very good with her mouth, and very much enjoys giving pleasure. This is a point we are both TOTALLY in agreement on BTW.

Now back to men... most of us are hopeless when it comes to oral sex. "Uhhhhh, thats the clit right, and I just lick that and she cums right".

Oh yeah, that works. Really it does.

First of all, most women will not get off with jsut clitoral stimulation; and again, if you dont do it jsut right, she "resets" (jsut like some guys do); so you could be doing great, and then one wrong lick, or fingernail etc.. and thats it; she aint cuming for a while.

For both women and men, let me say... patience, creativity, and stamina. And when you find something that makes your partner feel very good, keep doing that until your partner tells you different. Partners, you need to give feedback, or you are going to continue to get bad oral sex...

And finally documentation.

Bad documentation is worse than bad oral sex. Bad oral sex jsut ruins the mood; bad documentation can ruin your whole year.

We have an undocumented code problem, and an undocumented process problem, and an undocumented policy problem and an...

I think you get the piture.

The only thing worse than no documentation is bad documentation, because with no documentation you KNOW you are flying blind and you take the apropriate precautions. With BAD documentation, especially with incorrect docs, the docs themselves make you screw up; and then make it that much harder to fgure out and fix the problem.

Of course documentation IS like good oral sex and good pizza in one way; I'll do a hell of a lot for any of them.