Saturday, May 21, 2005

Having an Episode



Well, I just saw Episode Three...

Lets just say I wasn't disappointed. Unfortunately that's because my expectations were extraordinarily low.

It wasn't so much a BAD movie, it just wasn't any good really.

How do I dislike thee let me count the ways

  1. Hayden Christiansen must be the illigitimate child of Al Gore
  2. David Prowse is almost 6'7"' tall, Hayden Christiansen isn't
  3. Darth Vader should not remind one of Peter Boyle in "Young Frankenstein"
  4. Did I mention that Christiansen has the personality and flair of dry wheat toast with mayonaise... or perhaps wheatabix crackers
  5. Ewan Macgregor is a great actor... When he's allowed to say more than five words in a row
  6. Ewan Macgregor is a great actor... When he has more than two facial expressions
  7. Lightsabers are supposed to have light reflections
  8. Objects are supposed to have shadows
  9. Huge star system spanning space battles shouldn't look like B roll for Star Trek TNG
  10. Did I mention that the Halo 2 trailer/cutscenses have better special effects... no really
  11. One is not supposed to cringe painfully when the main character speaks with his love interest
  12. That whole animated block of wood thing (no really, it's that bad)
  13. Natalie Portman is a good actress (and a staggeringly beautiful woman)... in every movie but this one
  14. Plot anyone...???
  15. Oh and story...???
  16. Buddha lite...???
  17. Character developement...???
  18. Deus Ex Machina...???
  19. Even kicking ass, yoda looks like a muppet and the dialogue....
  20. "If you're not with me, you are my enemy!"...."NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
Okay so it's not ALL bad. There were a lot of funny moments (some intentional, some not), some fairly kick ass action, and the effects that don't look fake look frikken kickass.

Although the entire CONCEPT of general grevious is incredibly stupid, it was actually "played" quite well, and the ObiWan/Grevious fight is very kick ass.

I WANT one of those naboo space yachts man

Oh and the almost universally bad acting has one major exception; Ian McDiarmid. He completely controlled every scene he was in, and his dialoge delivery was letter perfect. Tone, facial expression, everything. THis guy REALLY makes you FEEL the emperor, as both completely evil, and coldly logical, and even slightly sympathetic... but not... It's kind of hard to explain. Honestly his performance alone is at least worth a DVD rental.

Is the movie worth watching? Sure, even if you aren't a Star Wars fan, it's at least good fun. If you ARE a Star Wars fan however, (unless you are a fringefan) if you are a real trufan, then this can't help but be dissapointing. He could have done so much more, so much better...

Go watch Revelations, it's actually a better movie. Or play KOTOR 2; it's a better movie than the movie is, and it's a frikken game.

UPDATE: Ok I have just got to put this one in:

21. What the fuck? Wookies do not look, act,e tc... like that in ANY other part of the starwars universe, and that IS NOT FUCKING KASHYKK